ve never
known."

"Faith, you'd give me much, Tom!"

The Viscount took out his snuff-box, tapped it, opened it, and forgot
his affectations.

"Sir," said he, "there was, on a time, a little, wretched boy, who,
hating and fearing his father, grieving in his sweet mother's griefs
until she died, found thereafter a friend, very tender and strong, in a
big, red-coated uncle----"

"By adoption, nephew."

"Aye sir, but I found him more truly satisfying to my youthful needs
than any uncle by blood, Lord love me! At whose all too infrequent
visits my boyish griefs and fears fled away--O Gad, sir, in those days
I made of you a something betwixt Ajax defying the lightning and
a--wet-nurse, and plague take it, sir, d'ye wonder if I----" Here the
Viscount took a pinch of snuff and sneezed violently. "Rat me!" he
gasped, "'tis the hatefullest stuff!" Followed a volley of sneezing
and thereafter a feeble voice--"The which reminds me sir we must drink
tea----"

"But I abominate tea, Tom."

"So do I, sir, so do I--curst stuff! You know the song:

'Let Mahometan fools
Live by heathenish rules
And be damned over tea-cups and coffee--'

But the women dote on it, dear creatures! 'Tis to the sex what water
is to the pig (poor, fat, ignorant brute!) ale to the yeoman (lusty
fellow) Nantzy to your nobby-nosed parson (roguish old boy) and wine to
your man of true taste. So, let there be tea, sir."

"By all means, Tom!"

"And sir--if I may venture a suggestion--?"

"Take courage, nephew, and try!"

"Why then, wear your blue and silver, nunky, 'tis the least obnaxious
and by the way, have you such a thing as a lackey or so about the place
to get in one's way and to be tumbled over as is the polite custom,
sir?"

"Hum!" said the Major thoughtfully, "I fancy the Sergeant has drafted
'em all into his gardening squad--ask Mrs. Agatha, she'll know."

CHAPTER X

INTRODUCING DIVERS FINE GENTLEMEN

"Gentlemen!" said the Viscount, "you have, I believe, had the honour to
meet my uncle, Major d'Arcy, for a moment, 'tis now my privilege to
make you better acquainted, for to know him is to honour him. Uncle, I
present our Ben, our blooming Benjamin--Sir Benjamin Tripp."

"Ods body, sir!" cried Sir Benjamin, plump, rubicund and jovial. "'Tis
a joy--a joy, I vow! Od, sir,'tis I protest an infinite joy to----"

"Ha' done with your joys, Ben," said the Viscount, "here's Tony all set
for his bow! Nunky--Mr. Antho