numerical strength of the Inns of Court Corps of
Volunteers, now sadly below its proper strength."--_Daily Paper._]

[Illustration]

Frequent Meetings in the Banqueting Hall will soon rectify the "reduced
condition," and, after a few gatherings, a gallant and learned Q. C. will
don his ancient tunic, and present himself at Head Quarters.

* * * * *

"THE ETERNAL FEMININE!"

(_By a candid--if capricious--Conjugator._)

_Amo, amas_--All love a lass!

_Amamus, amatis_--Churls cry, _jam satis_!

_Amat, amant_--But that's masculine cant!

_Amem, ames_--We wish to please.

_Amemus, ametis_--'Cos love so sweet is.

_Amet, ament_--Man's never content!

_Amavissem_--We yearn to kiss 'em.

_Amavisses_--They accept our kisses.

_Ama, amato_--Lips like a tomato.

_Amate, amanto_--Move many a canto.

_Amare, amavisse_--We Marry sweet Missy.

_Amans, amaturus_--Her charms to secure us.

_Amandum, amandi_--As wives they come handy.

_Amando, amandum_--But we don't understand 'em.

_Amandum, amando_--Their novels are grand, oh!

_Amatum, amatu_--Cries male critic, "I'll slate you!"

_Amor, amaris, amatur_--Woman goes like thunder when a starter!

_Amamur, amamini, amantur_--And she swears she'll lick us in a canter!

_Amemur, amemini, amentur_--And 'twill take us all our time to prevent
her!

* * * * *

THE NEWEST HUMOUR.

["The atmospheric envelope of the Globe is at present in a
baccilophil humour."--_Professor_ PETTENKOFER _on Microbes, quoted
by_ JAMES PAYN.]

[Illustration]

Is that the humour o 't, O learned Nym?
Well, these be days of mad and morbid whim,
When would-be wits strain wildly at a joke
As an o'erladen ox against the yoke.
But "a baccilophil humour"!--in the air!
Science does love the unlearned soul to scare,
But what does this thing mean? With fear to fill us?
Can aught thus love and cherish the Bacillus?
O "atmospheric envelope" _thy_ humour
Is worse than--Blank's--if we may trust this rumour.
Since microbe "humour" fills both air and earth,
Farewell to honest fun and wholesome mirth!
Adieu to genial DICKENS, gentle HOOD!
Hail to the peddling pessimistic brood
Whose "nimini-pimimi" mouths, too small by half
To stretch themselves to a Homeric laugh,
Mince, in a mirror, to the "Paphian Mimp!"
MOMUS is dead, and e'en that tricksy imp
Preposterous _Puck_ hath to