athed heavily in my face
and reminded me that it was war after all. My instructions were to
keep away from the guns, and get killed as soon as possible. As these
instructions were not difficult to follow, I carried them out to the
letter. I stayed away from the guns and I permitted myself to be
killed several times in order to make sure it would take. After that I
became a sort of composite camp follower, deserter and straggler.

In my wandering I chanced upon an ancient enemy of many past
encounters.

"Are you Red or Blue?" I asked, preparing to die for the fifth time.

"No," he answered, sarcastically, "I'm what you might call elephant
ear gray."

"Are you the guy the reporter for the camp paper was referring to in
his last story?" I asked him.

"Yes," he replied, "the slandering blackguard."

"You hit me on the nose with a push-ball," said I.

"I'll do it again," said he.

"That reporter, evidently a man of some observation, said you didn't
wash your neck and that you had the habits of a camel."

"But I do wash my neck," he said, stubbornly, "and I don't know
anything about the habits of a camel, but whatever they might happen
to be, I haven't got 'em."

"Yes," I replied, as if to myself, "you certainly should wash your
neck. That's the very least you could do."

"But I tell you," he cried, desperately, "I keep telling you that I do
wash my neck. Why do you go on talking about it as if I didn't! I tell
you now, once for all time, that I do wash my neck, and that ends it.
Don't talk any more. I want to think."

We sat in silence for a space, then I remarked casually, almost
inaudibly, "and you certainly shouldn't have the habits of a camel."

The depraved creature stirred uneasily. "I ain't got 'em," he said.

"Good," I cried heartily. "We understand each other perfectly. In the
future you will try to wash your neck and cease from having the habits
of a camel. No compromise is necessary. I know you will keep your
word."

"Go away quickly," he gasped, searching around for a stone to hurl at
me, and discarding several because of their small size. "Go away to
somewhere else. I'm telling you now, go away or else a special detail
will find your lifeless body here in the bushes some time to-morrow."

"I've already been thoroughly killed several times to-day," I said,
putting a tree between us, "but don't forget about the camel, and for
heaven's sake do try to keep your neck--"

A stone hit the tree wit