neither."

"Colonel," said Smilash, deeply impressed, "you have a penetrating mind,
and you know a bad character at sight. Not to deceive you, I am that
given to lying, and laziness, and self-indulgence of all sorts, that the
only excuse I can find for myself is that it is the nature of the race
so to be; for most men is just as bad as me, and some of 'em worsen I do
not speak pers'nal to you, governor, nor to the honorable gentlemen here
assembled. But then you, colonel, are a hinspector of police, which
I take to be more than merely human; and as to the gentlemen here, a
gentleman ain't a man--leastways not a common man--the common man bein'
but the slave wot feeds and clothes the gentleman beyond the common."

"Come," said the inspector, unable to follow these observations, "you
are a clever dodger, but you can't dodge me. Have you any statement to
make with reference to the lady that was last seen in your company?"

"Take a statement about a lady!" said Smilash indignantly. "Far be the
thought from my mind!"

"What have you done with her?" said Agatha, impetuously. "Don't be
silly."

"You're not bound to answer that, you know," said the inspector,
a little put out by Agatha's taking advantage of her irresponsible
unofficial position to come so directly to the point. "You may if you
like, though. If you've done any harm, you'd better hold your tongue. If
not, you'd better say so."

"I will set the young lady's mind at rest respecting her honorable
sister," said Smilash. "When the young lady caught sight of me she
fainted. Bein' but a young man, and not used to ladies, I will not deny
but that I were a bit scared, and that my mind were not open to the
sensiblest considerations. When she unveils her orbs, so to speak, she
ketches me round the neck, not knowin' me from Adam the father of us
all, and sez, 'Bring me some water, and don't let the girls see me.'
Through not 'avin' the intelligence to think for myself, I done just
what she told me. I ups with her in my arms--she bein' a light weight
and a slender figure--and makes for the canal as fast as I could. When I
got there, I lays her on the bank and goes for the water. But what
with factories, and pollutions, and high civilizations of one sort and
another, English canal water ain't fit to sprinkle on a lady, much less
for her to drink. Just then, as luck would have it, a barge came along
and took her aboard, and--"

"To such a thing," said Wickens's boy stub