abroad, of superior
abilities, was expected to address the graduating class. Row upon row
of white-robed maidens smiled in sly flirtation upon rows of admiring
eyes in the audience below. Grave school-trustees, ponderous-browed
lawyers, the united clergy (the aforesaid Athens boasts some fifteen
churches), and last, but not least, the professors and the 'Prex' of the
college, par excellence (for there are some half dozen 'digs' or
dignitaries so named in the town), sat in a body near the
stage--'invited guests.' Songs were sung--the fleeting joys of earth,
the delights of study, the beauty of flowers, the excellence of wisdom,
and kindred themes discoursed upon by low-voiced essayists, till the
valedictory came; but with Mr. S----, meanwhile, all went _not_ merry as
a marriage bell: the expected orator came not, and was sought for in
vain; the valedictorian-ess ceased; the parting song was sung; an
expectant hum rose from the audience; the blue-ribboned diplomas waited
in a wreath of roses. At last, embarrassed and perplexed, the preceptor
rose. 'Young ladies,' he began, 'I had expected to see here,' and his
glance wandered over the picture-studded, asparagus-wreathed hall, till
it rested quietly on the aforementioned body of village
dignitaries--then he continued: 'I expected to-day an individual _more
competent than myself_ to address to you these parting words, but (with
a last anxious glance at the Faculty) _that_ individual _I_ do _not_ now
behold.'

Until afterward admonished by his better half, Mr. S---- was unconscious
of his arrogance, and of the cause of the ill-concealed mirth of the
audience.

Rather verbose that anecdote; but, pardon something to the memories of
olden times.

It was the same preceptor who, a member of the graduating class having
made all her arrangements beforehand, announced, after the usual
distribution of prizes, that the highest ever bestowed on a similar
occasion was now to be awarded, for diligence and good deportment, to
Miss H---- H----; whereupon, in the fewest words possible, he performed
the marriage ceremony, and gave her--a husband. Encouraging to the
juniors, was it not?

A friend of mine, questioning the other day a small boy as to his home
playmates and amusements, asked him of the number and age of the
children of a neighbor, at whose house there was, unknown to her, a bran
new baby. 'Oh,' answered the five year old, with some scorn,'she hasn't
got but two, one of 'em