watch the struggle, for humanity has a stake in it. I say this,
whose life has borne witness, whose heart is heavy with revelations it
has not made. And I speak for thousands; oh, for thousands!

My gray hairs are too few for me to let these pages trespass the limit
I have set myself. That part of my life which contains the climax of
my personal drama I must leave to my grandchildren to record. My
father might speak and tell how, in time, he discovered that in his
first violent rejection of everything old and established he cast from
him much that he afterwards missed. He might tell to what extent he
later retraced his steps, seeking to recover what he had learned to
value anew; how it fared with his avowed irreligion when put to the
extreme test; to what, in short, his emancipation amounted. And he,
like myself, would speak for thousands. My grandchildren, for all I
know, may have a graver task than I have set them. Perhaps they may
have to testify that the faith of Israel is a heritage that no heir in
the direct line has the power to alienate from his successors. Even I,
with my limited perspective, think it doubtful if the conversion of
the Jew to any alien belief or disbelief is ever thoroughly
accomplished. What positive affirmation of the persistence of Judaism
in the blood my descendants may have to make, I may not be present to
hear.

It would be superfluous to state that none of these hints and
prophecies troubled me at the time when I horrified the schoolyard by
denying the existence of God, on the authority of my father; and
defended my right to my atheism, on the authority of the Constitution.
I considered myself absolutely, eternally, delightfully emancipated
from the yoke of indefensible superstitions. I was wild with
indignation and pity when I remembered how my poor brother had been
cruelly tormented because he did not want to sit in heder and learn
what was after all false or useless. I knew now why poor Reb' Lebe had
been unable to answer my questions; it was because the truth was not
whispered outside America. I was very much in love with my
enlightenment, and eager for opportunities to give proof of it.

It was Miss Dillingham, she who helped me in so many ways, who
unconsciously put me to an early test, the result of which gave me a
shock that I did not get over for many a day. She invited me to tea
one day, and I came in much trepidation. It was my first entrance into
a genuine American househol