o be king. A
sexton, like a poet, is born. A church, in order to peace and success,
needs the right kind of man at the prow, and the right kind at the
stern--that is, a good minister and a good sexton. So far as we have
observed, there are four kinds of janitors.
THE FIDGETY SEXTON.
He is never still. His being in any one place proves to him that he ought
to be in some other. In the most intense part of the service, every ear
alert to the truth, the minister at the very climax of his subject, the
fidgety official starts up the aisle. The whole congregation instantly turn
from the consideration of judgment and eternity to see what the sexton
wants. The minister looks, the elders look, the people in the gallery get
up to look. It is left in universal doubt as to why the sexton frisked
about at just that moment. He must have seen a fly on the opposite side of
the church wall that needed to be driven off before it spoiled the fresco,
or he may have suspicion that a rat terrier is in one of the pews by the
pulpit, from the fact that he saw two or three children laughing. Now,
there is nothing more perplexing than a dog chase during religious
services. At a prayer meeting once in my house, a snarling poodle came in,
looked around, and then went and sat under the chair of its owner. We had
no objection to its being there (dogs should not be shut out from all
advantages), but the intruder would not keep quiet. A brother of dolorous
whine was engaged in prayer, when poodle evidently thought that the time
for response had come, and gave a loud yawn that had no tendency to
solemnize the occasion. I resolved to endure it no longer. I started to
extirpate the nuisance. I made a fearful pass of my hand in the direction
of the dog, but missed him. A lady arose to give me a better chance at the
vile pup, but I discovered that he had changed position. I felt by that
time obstinately determined to eject him. He had got under a rocking chair,
at a point beyond our reach, unless we got on our knees; and it being a
prayer meeting, we felt no inappropriateness in taking that position. Of
course the exercise had meanwhile been suspended, and the eyes of all were
upon my undertaking. The elders wished me all success in this police duty,
but the mischievous lads by the door were hoping for my failure. Knowing
this I resolved that if the exercises were never resumed, I would
consummate the work and eject the disturber. While in this mood I g
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