r cow? Is dare a pusson in dis
orgunce, who will lif' his head and dissert that k stans for cow? Wall, if
it duzzent stan' for cow, is it a far prejux for crow? Would a cup set on
its flatness, Mr. Cheermon, with rich a handle as k to it? Will the gemmen
who spells klu widout a l, pertend to spell cat widout a c? I persoom not.
Wall, then, my feller-sitterzens, if k duzzent stan' for cow; if it is too
crooked for cup; if it wooldn't spell crow widout bein' turned wrong side
foremos'; if it duzzent suit the gemmen's noshuns of cat; an' is too
crooked and not crooked enough for "crooked," den what, may I ax, duz dis
unekest of alfybetic frenonymongs outline wid de adumkate purpyscruity. If
it am eber used as de forefix fur knife, knot, knob, knock-under, and sich
like, it ar' bekase its crookedness let it out'n de rite paf, and not
'kase it felt called on in de way of tendin' to its own bizness.

But no diffunce if it do fail in oder respex, my feller-sitterzens, it
won't do to say dat dis consummant k am a failure, and ostrumsize it from
de langwidge. I am not one ob dose dat am committed to de beleef dat it am
a bow-legged nonjuscrip, a onaccountable freak of de English alfybet, an'
good for nuffin but to lean up agin more spectifle consummants, and thow
de lines out'n shape.

An' if dat be de sollum trufe, I pauses once more to ax whar is de stitch
in de temple of langwidge dat dis alfumbettycle beformity was made to
order to fit into, so to speak. What ar' its mishun in de worl', and how
is we to arrive at dat pint. In diggin' about de roots of dis boss
conundrum, Mr. Cheermon, we wants to have nuffin to do wid scientifficle
reductions, nor logickle abscraptions, as we understans de metumsquizzicle
bearin' ob dose terms; but, on de oder han', if the court am exquainted
wid her own diktum, and she think she do, we feels bemooved to argify
strate to de pint in hand. Now, in respex to de consummant beforesed, I
taiks de hi groun' dat if dere is any offis dat it can fill better than
any oder consummant, dat, dat am its mishun. Or to miscomterpret my
persac meanin' wid more purpyscruity, if dare is enny spot in de presinks
of de langwidge dat can't navumgate widout it, and dat it can't navumgate
widout, dat, _dat_ am de shoo fur it to war. Havin' adjostled dat pint to
de weakes' understandin', we nex' inquire if dere is enny wurd in de
dickshummary dat can't be spelt into a syllumble widout de ade of dis
consummant. I taix