m beas'ly Injian sweets
An' smelt the Injian fires alight.

But I'm with you, old P. an' O.;
The goin' 'ome'll be the best;
An' not the 'ome we useter know,
But better, 'cos we've known the rest.

* * * * *

TUBANTIA CRIME.

"Sworn Evidence of Torpedo."

_Liverpool Daily Post._

We hope it confessed its crime.

* * * * *

"The village is in utter darkness these nights, and many of the
lamp-posts are getting severe knocks, not speaking of the foot
pedestrians."--_Ardrossan Herald._

Some of the foot pedestrians are said to have been less reticent about
the lamp-posts.

* * * * *

"Would patriotic owner LEND INCUBATOR or Foster increase British
production, or buy cheap? Every care; experienced; eggs waiting;
ineligible; clergy ref."--_The Times._

It is a little cryptic; but we gather that, at any rate, the partial
soundness of these eggs will be guaranteed by the curate.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Sentry (at Remount Camp)._ "Halt! Who goes there?"

_Weary Voice._ "One friend and two mules."]

* * * * *

MIVINS'S NEW BOOKS.

Mr. Mivins begs to present

FOUR WONDERFUL WORKS

BY

Four astounding Authors.

***

PRINCE CHARMING.

By Egbert Gunn

(_Third large edition already exhausted_).

"An incomparable achievement. The uniquest thing yet done by Mr.
GUNN. He has eclipsed Balzac, wiped the floor with George Sand,
while panting Tolstoi 'toils after him in vain.'"--_Daily
Exhaust._

***

POTLAND FOR EVER!

By Roland Sennett.

"The greatest literary portent of all time. Here the Black
Country is painted in all its inspissated gloom by a
master-hand--sardonic, salubrious, superb.... We approach this
work on all-fours. Any other attitude on the part of a reviewer
would be sheer blasphemy."

_The Monthly Margarine._

***

THE UNPLUMBED ABYSS.

By Drax Homer.

_First great Notice_: "By the side of Mr. Drax Homer, Edgar
Allan Poe is a fumbler, and Gaboriau the veriest tiro. In these
supremely arresting pages Mr. Drax Homer voices the cosmic
mystery with unerring skill, and ranges over the whole gamut of
the gruesome. He is the Napoleon of sensation, the Julius Caesar
of melodrama."--_Daily Idol