of my Face, which is full half
Yard; tho' I never knew the Reason of it till you gave one for the
Shortness of yours. If I knew a Name ugly enough to belong to the
above-described Face, I would feign one; but, to my unspeakable
Misfortune, my Name is the only disagreeable Prettiness about me; so
prithee make one for me that signifies all the Deformity in the World:
You understand Latin, but be sure bring it in with my being in the
Sincerity of my Heart,
_Your most frightful Admirer,
and Servant_,
Hecatissa.

Mr. SPECTATOR,

I Read your Discourse upon Affectation, and from the Remarks made in
it examined my own Heart so strictly, that I thought I had found out
its most secret Avenues, with a Resolution to be aware of you for the
future. But alas! to my Sorrow I now understand, that I have several
Follies which I do not know the Root of. I am an old Fellow, and
extremely troubled with the Gout; but having always a strong Vanity
towards being pleasing in the Eyes of Women, I never have a Moment's
Ease, but I am mounted in high-heel'd Shoes with a glased Wax-leather
Instep. Two Days after a severe Fit I was invited to a Friend's House
in the City, where I believed I should see Ladies; and with my usual
Complaisance crippled my self to wait upon them: A very sumptuous
Table, agreeable Company, and kind Reception, were but so many
importunate Additions to the Torment I was in. A Gentleman of the
Family observed my Condition; and soon after the Queen's Health, he,
in the Presence of the whole Company, with his own Hand degraded me
into an old Pair of his own Shoes. This operation, before fine Ladies,
to me (who am by Nature a Coxcomb) was suffered with the same
Reluctance as they admit the Help of Men in their greatest Extremity.
The Return of Ease made me forgive the rough Obligation laid upon me,
which at that time relieved my Body from a Distemper, and will my Mind
for ever from a Folly. For the Charity received I return my Thanks
this Way.
_Your most humble Servant.
Epping, April 18._

_SIR_,

We have your Papers here the Morning they come out, and we have been
very well entertained with your last, upon the false Ornaments of
Persons who represent Heroes in a Tragedy. What made your Speculation
come very seasonably amongst us is, that we have now at this Place a
Company of Strolers, who are very far from offending in the
imper