have
arrived so early at that Seat of Learning, but from the Discovery of
an Intrigue between me and my Master's House-Keeper; upon whom I had
employed my Rhetorick so effectually, that, though she was a very
elderly Lady, I had almost brought her to consent to marry me. Upon my
Arrival at _Oxford_, I found Logick so dry, that, instead of giving
Attention to the Dead, I soon fell to addressing the Living. My first
Amour was with a pretty Girl whom I shall call _Parthenope_: Her
Mother sold Ale by the Town-Wall. Being often caught there by the
Proctor, I was forced at last, that my Mistress's Reputation might
receive no Blemish, to confess my Addresses were honourable. Upon this
I was immediately sent Home; but _Parthenope_ soon after marrying a
Shoe-maker, I was again suffered to return. My next Affair was with my
Taylor's Daughter, who deserted me for the sake of a young Barber.
Upon my complaining to one of my particular Friends of this
Misfortune, the cruel Wagg made a meer Jest of my Calamity, and asked
me with a Smile, _Where the_ Needle _should turn but to the_ Pole? [1]
After this I was deeply in Love with a Milliner, and at last with my
Bed-maker, upon which I was sent away, or in the University Phrase,
_Rusticated_ for ever.

'Upon my coming home, I settled to my Studies so heartily, and
contracted so great a Reservedness by being kept from the Company I
most affected, that my Father thought he might venture me at the
_Temple_.

'Within a Week after my Arrival I began to shine again, and became
enamour'd with a mighty pretty Creature, who had every thing but Mony
to recommend her. Having frequent Opportunities of uttering all the
soft things which an Heart formed for Love could inspire me with, I
soon gained her Consent to treat of Marriage; but unfortunately for us
all, in the Absence of my Charmer I usually talked the same Language
to her elder Sister, who is also very pretty. Now I assure you, Mr.
SPECTATOR, this did not proceed from any real Affection I had
conceived for her; but being a perfect Stranger to the Conversation of
Men, and strongly addicted to associate with the Women, I knew no
other Language but that of Love. I should however be very much obliged
to you, if you could free me from the Perplexity I am at present in. I
have sent Word to my old Gentleman in the Country, that I am
desperately in Love with the younger Siste