little
crucifix on her deathbed. I did not remember ever having seen it before;
doubtless, at the moment of setting out, she had suspended it about her
neck as a preserving charm against the dangers of the journey. Suddenly
I joined my hands and knelt on the floor.

"O Lord, my God," I said, in trembling tones, "Lord, my God, thou art
there!"

Let those who do not believe in Christ read this page; I no longer
believed in Him. Neither as a child, nor at school, nor as a man, have
I frequented churches; my religion, if I had any, had neither rite
nor symbol, and I believed in a God without form, without a cult, and
without revelation. Poisoned, from youth, by all the writings of the
last century, I had sucked, at an early hour, the sterile milk of
impiety. Human pride, that God of the egoist, closed my mouth against
prayer, while my affrighted soul took refuge in the hope of nothingness.
I was as if drunken or insensate when I saw that effigy of Christ on
Brigitte's bosom; while not believing in Him myself, I recoiled, knowing
that she believed in Him.

It was not vain terror that arrested my hand. Who saw me? I was alone
and it was night. Was it prejudice? What prevented me from hurling out
of my sight that little piece of black wood? I could have thrown it into
the fire, but it was my weapon I threw there. Ah! what an experience
that was and still is for my soul! What miserable wretches are men who
mock at that which can save a human being! What matters the name, the
form, the belief? Is not all that is good sacred? How dare any one touch
God?

As at a glance from the sun the snows descend the mountains, and the
glaciers that threatened heaven melt into streams in the valley, so
there descended into my heart a stream that overflowed its banks.
Repentance is a pure incense; it exhaled from all my suffering. Although
I had almost committed a crime when my hand was arrested, I felt that
my heart was innocent. In an instant, calm, self-possession, reason
returned; I again approached the bed; I leaned over my idol and kissed
the crucifix.

"Sleep in peace," I said to her, "God watches over you! While your lips
were parting in a smile, you were in greater danger than you have ever
known before. But the hand that threatened you will harm no one; I swear
by the faith you profess I will not kill either you or myself! I am a
fool, a madman, a child who thinks himself a man. God be praised! You
are young and beautiful. You