wifis hes maistery,
That they dar nawayis cheip;
Bot gif it be in privity,
Quhan thair wifis are in sleip.'

And, while the sang is birrin through the fumes o' the ale, thae very
wives are busy toilin to hae the singers weel fed, cled, and cared
for, in a' their concerns. What a noble example, on the other side o'
the question, has Mr Todd this day exhibited! Wives are generally
honoured through their husbands. He shall be honoured through his
wife. What I hae said, I believe will meet wi' the approbation o'
this meetin; but I'm no sae sure o' the success o' what comes--because
I propose to tak a sma' liberty wi' the English language, and, by a
kind o' a trope or figure o' speech, to keep the name, while we boldly
change the thing. I'm weel aware that our minutes bear that _Mr_ Todd
is our boxmaster; but we ken better than that, and we, whase trade it
is to change colours, can hae nae difficulty in reconcilin the tints.
I therefore move, as an amendment, that the piece o' plate be
presented at once to Mrs Jean Todd, _our boxmaster_."

The suggestion took; the humour was relished; the minutes were
altered; the name of Mrs Jean Todd was substituted for Mr Andrew Todd;
and the books of the incorporation bore, and bear to this day, that
the plate had been presented to Mrs Jean Todd, "_their boxmaster_," as
a memorial of the gratitude of the trade for her exertions in saving
the incorporation's treasury.

THE PROFESSOR'S TALES.

THE SOCIAL MAN.

As we look upon the title of our tale, now that we have written it, we
cannot suppress a shudder of horror. Like the handwriting on the wall,
it seems typical of misery, revolution, and death. Revolution and
death, do we say? What revolution, in the common sense of the word--we
mean in a political one--was ever productive of such deplorable
effects, as that moral revolution to which the bottle bears the social
man?--what death, viewed merely as a physical evil, can be compared to
that moral and intellectual destruction to which the good fellow so
often subjects himself? It is no palliation of the evil to say that
the social man is led by the best qualities of his heart, by the
noblest faculties of his intellect, into the path which leads to utter
wretchedness--to remorse, disease, and premature death in this world;
and, if the combined testimony of reason and revelation be sufficient
to establish any fact--to punishment in the next. Our faculties are
good