t things, which he does not necessarily endorse, about the sundry
persons who are to do the story-telling. Now, I suppose you all know me
pretty well by this time. If there is anybody who doesn't, I'll be glad
to have him presented after the formal work of the evening is over, and
if I don't like him I'll tell him so. You know that if I can be counted
upon for any one thing it is candor, and if I hurt the feelings of any of
these individuals whom I introduce to-night, I want them distinctly to
understand that it is not because I love them less, but that I love truth
more. With this--ah--blanket apology, as it were, to cover all possible
emergencies that may arise during the evening, I will begin. The first
speaker on the programme, I regret to observe, is my friend Goldsmith.
Affairs of this kind ought to begin with a snap, and while Oliver is a
most excellent writer, as a speaker he is a pebbleless Demosthenes. If I
had had the arrangement of the programme I should have had Goldsmith tell
his story while the rest of us were down-stairs at supper. However, we
must abide by our programme, which is unconscionably long, for otherwise
we will never get through it. Those of you who agree with me as to the
pleasure of listening to my friend Goldsmith will do well to join me in
the grill-room while he is speaking, where, I understand, there is a very
fine line of punches ready to be served. Modest Noll, will you kindly
inflict yourself upon the gathering, and send me word when you get
through, if you ever do, so that I may return and present number two to
the assembly, whoever or whatever he may be?"

With these words the Doctor retired, and poor Goldsmith, pale with fear,
rose up to speak. It was evident that he was quite as doubtful of his
ability as a talker as was Johnson.

"I'm not much of a talker, or, as some say, speaker," he said. "Talking
is not my forte, as Doctor Johnson has told you, and I am therefore not
much at it. Speaking is not in my line. I cannot speak or talk, as it
were, because I am not particularly ready at the making of a speech, due
partly to the fact that I am not much of a talker anyhow, and seldom if
ever speak. I will therefore not bore you by attempting to speak, since
a speech by one who like myself is, as you are possibly aware, not a
fluent nor indeed in any sense an eloquent speaker, is apt to be a bore
to those who will be kind enough to listen to my remarks, but will read
ins