manfully holding up the newspaper between us.

The first three or four mouthfuls I ate with a faint heart; the fear
of discovery, exposure, and expulsion almost choked me. A glass of
port rallied, a second one cheered, and a third emboldened me, and I
proceeded to my steak in a spirit of true ease and enjoyment. The
port was most insidious; place it wherever I would on the table, it
invariably stole over beside me, and, in spite of me, as it were, the
decanter would stand at my elbow. I suppose it must be in reality a very
gentlemanlike tipple; the tone of sturdy self-reliance, the vigorous air
of command, the sense of absolutism it inspires, smack of Toryism;
and as I sipped, I felt myself rising above the low prejudices I once
indulged in against rank and wealth, and insensibly comprehending the
beauty of that system which divides and classifies mankind.

The very air of the place, the loud, overbearing talk, the haughty
summons to the waiter, the imperious demand for this or that requisite
of the table, all conspired to impress me with the pleasant sensation
imparted to him who possesses money. Among the various things called
for on every side, I remarked that mustard seemed in the very highest
request. Every one ate of it; none seemed to have enough of it. There
was a perpetual cry, "Mustard! I say, waiter, bring me the mustard;"
while one very choleric old gentleman, in a drab surtout and a red
nose, absolutely seemed bursting with indignation as he said, "You don't
expect me to eat a steak without mustard, sir?"--a rebuke at which the
waiter grew actually purple.

Now, this was the very thing I had myself been doing,--actually eating
"a steak without mustard!" What a mistake, and for one who believed
himself to be in every respect conforming to the choicest usages of high
life! What was to be done? The steak had disappeared; no matter, it was
never too late to learn, and so I cried out, "Waiter, the mustard here!"
in a voice that almost electrified the whole room.

I had scarcely concealed myself beneath my curtain,--"The Times,"--when
the mustard was set down before me, with a humble apology for
forgetfulness. I waited till he withdrew, and then helping myself to the
unknown delicacy, proceeded to eat it, as the phrase is, "neat." In my
eagerness,

I swallowed two or three mouthfuls before I felt its effects; and then
a sensation of burning and choking seized upon me. My tongue seemed to
swell to thrice it