ands and round the bowls of their pipes. Multiplying the men by the
seconds (5,000 x 30) you get approximately the amount of the wind, in
wear and tare and tret. If this experiment were conducted on a duly
extensive scale round London; say at Brixton, Kensington, Holloway and
Stepney; there can be no doubt that a cyclone would be established,
and the fog effectually dissipated. The cost would be slight, and the
pipe of tobacco would afford a welcome treat to many a poor fellow out
of work in these hard times.

Yours obediently, PETER PPIPER.

_The Cave, AEolian Road, S.W._

* * * * *

ROBERT'S CURE FOR THE HINFLUENZY.

I hopes as I shall not be blamed for my hordacity in writin as I am
writin, but it's reelly all the fault of my good-natred Amerrycan
frend. He says as it's my bounden dooty to do so, if ony to prove the
trooth of the old prowerb that tells us, "that Waiters rushes in where
Docters fears to tread!" He's pleased to say as he has never bin in
better helth than all larst Jennewerry at the Grand Hotel, and that he
owes it all to my sage adwice.

[Illustration]

"Allers let Nater be your Dick Tater!" In depressin times like these
here, keep the pot a bilin' so to speak; and stand firm to the three
hesses, Soup, Shampane, and Sunlight.

The Soup must be Thick Turtel, such as Natur purwides in this here
cold seeson, not the Thin Turtel of Summer. The Shampane must be Rich
Clicko, or the werry best Pummery, sitch as you can taste the ginerous
grapes in, not the pore dry stuff as young Swells drinks, becoz
they're told as how it's fashnabel; and the Sunlight can ginerally be
got if you knows where to look for it. For instance now, in one of the
cold foggy days of last month, my Amerrycan frend said to me, "What
on airth, ROBERT, can a gentleman find to do on sitch a orful day
as this?" So sez I, "Take a Cab to Wictoria Station, and go to the
Cristel Pallis, wark about in the brillient sunshine as you will find
there a waiting for you, for about two howers, not a moment longer,
then cum strait back, and you shall find a lovly lunch."

And off he went, a larfing to think how he would emuse himself when he
came back by pitching into pore me. But it does so happen as Waiters
ain't not quite so deaf as sum peeple thinks 'em, and I've offen 'erd
peeple say, that amost always, if you sees the Sun a trying for to
peep thro the fog, and see how we all gits on without him, a leetle