o record the insult offered to a respected member of
my family--melted it down. My first mentioned parent--the zinc
plate--was not enabled to move much in society, owing to its very close
connection with the street door. It occupied, however, a very
conspicuous position in a leading thoroughfare, and was the means of
diffusing more useful instruction, perhaps, than many a quarto, for it
informed the running as well as the reading public, that Messrs.
Snapples and Son resided within, and that their office hours were from
ten till four. In order to become my progenitor it fell a victim to
dishonest practices. A "fast" man unscrewed it one night, and bore it
off in triumph to his chambers. Here it was included by "the boy" among
his numerous "perquisites," and, by an easy transition, soon found its
way to the Hebrew gentleman above mentioned.

The first meeting between my parents took place in the melting-pot of
this ingenious person, and the result of their subsequent union was
mutually advantageous. The one gained by the alliance that strength and
solidity which is not possessed by even the purest pewter; while to the
solid qualities of the other were added a whiteness and brilliancy that
unadulterated zinc could never display.

From the Jew, my parents were transferred--mysteriously and by night--to
an obscure individual in an obscure quarter of the metropolis, when, in
secrecy and silence, I was _cast_, to use an appropriate metaphor, upon
the world.

How shall I describe my first impression of existence? how portray my
agony when I became aware _what I was_--when I understood my mission
upon earth? The reader, who has possibly never felt himself to be what
Mr. Carlyle calls a "sham," or a "solemnly constituted imposter," can
have no notion of my sufferings!

These, however, were endured only in my early and unsophisticated youth.
Since then, habitual intercourse with the best society has relieved me
from the embarrassing appendage of a conscience. My long career upon
town--in the course of which I have been bitten, and rung, and subjected
to the most humiliating tests--has blunted my sensibilities, while it
has taken off the sharpness of my edges; and, like the counterfeits of
humanity, whose lead may be seen emulating silver at every turn, my only
desire is--not to be worthy of passing, but simply--to pass.

My impression of the world, on first becoming conscious of existence,
was, that it was about fifteen feet