nity was now
offering a meaning to the empty forms with which his imagination was
stored, but it appeared to him dimly, through the veil of his personal
diffidence.

"I have not sailed round the world, as you suppose," I said, "but I
confess I envy you the novelties you are going to behold. Coming to
Homburg you have plunged _in medias res_."

He glanced at me to see if my remark contained an allusion, and hesitated
a moment. "Yes, I know it. I came to Bremen in the steamer with a very
friendly German, who undertook to initiate me into the glories and
mysteries of the Fatherland. At this season, he said, I must begin with
Homburg. I landed but a fortnight ago, and here I am." Again he
hesitated, as if he were going to add something about the scene at the
Kursaal but suddenly, nervously, he took up the letter which was lying
beside him, looked hard at the seal with a troubled frown, and then flung
it back on the grass with a sigh.

"How long do you expect to be in Europe?" I asked.

"Six months I supposed when I came. But not so long--now!" And he let
his eyes wander to the letter again.

"And where shall you go--what shall you do?"

"Everywhere, everything, I should have said yesterday. But now it is
different."

I glanced at the letter--interrogatively, and he gravely picked it up and
put it into his pocket. We talked for a while longer, but I saw that he
had suddenly become preoccupied; that he was apparently weighing an
impulse to break some last barrier of reserve. At last he suddenly laid
his hand on my arm, looked at me a moment appealingly, and cried, "Upon
my word, I should like to tell you everything!"

"Tell me everything, by all means," I answered, smiling. "I desire
nothing better than to lie here in the shade and hear everything."

"Ah, but the question is, will you understand it? No matter; you think
me a queer fellow already. It's not easy, either, to tell you what I
feel--not easy for so queer a fellow as I to tell you in how many ways he
is queer!" He got up and walked away a moment, passing his hand over his
eyes, then came back rapidly and flung himself on the grass again. "I
said just now I always supposed I was happy; it's true; but now that my
eyes are open, I see I was only stultified. I was like a poodle-dog that
is led about by a blue ribbon, and scoured and combed and fed on slops.
It was not life; life is learning to know one's self, and in that sense I
have lived mo