quite puzzled sometimes by my
frankness about some things, for instance, about her looks. I notice she
compliments me on my looks whenever I am decidedly off colour, when I
wear a green ribbon, or a dowdy dress, or big shoes. But I am honest
with her in these things, and I like to see her look well. The game is
more interesting then.

"Well, at this ball, I wanted to dance with a certain man, but I did not
wish to ask him myself. So I requested Rose to do so, and she consented,
and I was soon whirling around in his arms. I had felt curious about him
for a long time: I did not know just what the state of my feeling toward
him was. I did not know whether I liked or disliked him, but I had
often experienced a sort of thrilling sensation when he happened to pass
by or touch me, or even when he mentioned my name, which had occurred
only once since I knew him. 'Good evening, Marie,' was all he said. But
the name and the way he said it seemed new, and it kept recurring to me
at unexpected times and always troubled me. When I fancy I hear that
name in his voice I feel sad and lonely, and my heart aches. I see him
often, mostly at our Sunday evening lectures. We are very distant, and I
am often rude to him, not answering when he speaks to me.

"So when I danced with him the other night, I was agreeably surprised to
find that I did not experience any unusual sensation at all. And I was
relieved, too, for I had a sort of instinctive feeling that he was not
worthy of any strong interest. After the dance was over, we went
down-stairs together and he kissed me. You know, the radicals all kiss
one another freely and it does not mean anything special, as a rule:
often it is done without any feeling at all, just a common habit. But
this time I was astonished to find that the moment he touched me I had
the same thrilling sensation, only more intense, as when I heard him
speak my name. I resisted however, and just then I heard Rose's voice
ring out exultantly, 'Oh, if you knew how crazy Marie is about you, how
she raved when she first met you and so on.' You can imagine how I felt
then. I managed to get away and drank and smoked and danced all the
evening and never looked at him again. When we all went away Rose and I
kissed each other and called each other 'darling girl.'

"In some moods I would like to be a big, beautiful, heartless woman like
one or two I know. In such moods, how I would make men suffer! I was
talking about this to