the retired
habits of their life--added another cause of unrest to those already
tormenting him, and he was glad to escape into solitude. Though with
little faith in the remedy, he betook himself to a quiet spot on the
coast of Norfolk, associated with memories of holiday in childhood, and
there for the rest of the time he had allowed himself did what a man
could do to get benefit from sea and sky.

And in these endless hours of solitude there grew upon him a perception
of the veritable cause of his illness. Not loss of station, not
overwork, not love; but simply the lie to which he was committed. There
was the root of the matter. Slowly, dimly, he groped toward the fact
that what rendered his life intolerable was its radical dishonesty.
Lived openly, avowedly, it would have involved hardships indeed, but
nothing of this dull wretchedness which made the world a desert. He
began to see how much better, how much easier, it would have been to
tell the truth two years ago. His mother was not so weak-minded a woman
as to be stricken down by loss of money; and as for Sherwood, his folly
merited more than the unpleasantness that might have resulted to him
from disclosure. Grocerdom with a clear conscience would have been a
totally different thing from grocerdom surreptitiously embraced.
Instead of slinking into a corner for the performance of an honourable
act, he should have declared it, frankly, unaffectedly, to all who had
any claim upon him. At once, the enterprise became amusing,
interesting. If it disgraced him with any of his acquaintances, so much
the worse for them; all whose friendship was worth having would have
shown only the more his friends; as things stood, he was ashamed,
degraded, not by circumstances, but by himself.

To undo it all--? To proclaim the truth--? Was it not easy enough? He
had proved now that his business would yield income sufficient for his
mother and sister, as well as for his own needs; the crisis was
surmounted; why not cast off this load of mean falsehood, which was
crushing him to the ground? By Heaven! he would do so.

Not immediately. Better wait till he had heard from Jane that their
mother was a little stronger, which would probably be the case in a
week or two. But (he declared ill his mind) the resolve was taken. At
the first favourable moment he would undo his folly. Before taking this
step, he must of course announce it to Godfrey Sherwood; an unpleasant
necessity; but no matt