f veal again. For tea, Aunt Dora ordered an Ulm cake because we
had eaten hardly anything at dinner.

May 26th. To-day is the first day of Dora's written matriculation.
Father wanted her to withdraw because she looks so ill, but she would
not for she said it would be a distraction for her and that she would
like to finish with the High School. Next year she is to go to a
preparatory school for the Gymnasium. She ought really to go to a
dancing class, for she is nearly 17, but since she is in mourning it is
quite impossible and of course she does not want to go anyhow. The head
thought too that Dora would withdraw from the examination because she
is so overwrought, but she did not want to withdraw. The staff were so
awfully sweet to us after Mother's death, at least the women teachers
were. The professors don't bother themselves about our private concerns,
for they only see us for 1 or 2 hours a week. Frau Doktor Steiner, from
whom we don't have any lessons this year, was awfully sympathetic; I saw
plainly that she had tears in her eyes, and Frau Doktor M. was an angel
as she always is! We did not go to the spring festival on May 20th,
though Father said we could go if we liked. Hella and Anneliese were
awfully anxious that I should go; but I would not, and indeed I shall
never go to any more amusements. No doubt the others enjoyed themselves
immensely, but for Dora and me it would have been horrible. In the
evenings I often fancy to myself that it is not really true, that Mother
has simply gone to Franzensbad and will be back soon. And then I cry
until my head aches or until Dora says: "Oh Gretel, I do wish you'd
stop, it's awful." She often cries herself, I can hear her quite well,
but _I_ never say anything.

June 4th. So Dora looks upon Mother's death as _a sign of God's
displeasure against Father!_ But what could _we_ have done to prevent
it? She said, Oh, yes, we did a lot of things we ought not to have done,
and above all we had secrets from Mother. That is why God has punished
us. It's horrible, and now that she is always speaking of the eye of God
and the finger of God it makes me so terribly afraid to go into a dark
room, because I always feel there is some one there who is eying me and
wants to seize me.

June 8th. Father is in a frightful rage with Dora; yesterday evening,
when I opened the drawing-room door and there was Father coming out,
quite unintentionally I gave a yell, and when Father asked what was