nk
nothing else. I never was witty in all my life. I love jokes
dearly. Here, Club, bring us a bottle of what d'ye call it--the
witty liquor.

_Bull._ But I thought that all you that were bred at the University
would be wits naturally?

_Mock._ The quite contrary, Madam, there's no such thing there. We
dare not have wit there for fear of being counted rakes. Your solid
philosophy is all read there, which is clear another thing. But now
I will be a wit, by the universe.... Is that the witty liquor? Come
fill the glasses. Now that I have found my mistress, I must next
find my wits.

_Club._ So you had need, master, for those that find a mistress are
generally out of their wits. (_Gives him a glass._)

_Mock._ Come, fill for yourself. (_They jingle and drink._) But
where's the wit now, Club? Have you found it?

_Club._ Egad! master, I think 'tis a very good jest.

_Mock._ What?

_Club._ What? why drinking--you'll find, master, that this same
gentleman in the straw doublet, this same will-i'-th'-wisp is a wit
at the bottom. (_Fills._) Here, here, master; how it puns and
quibbles in the glass!

_Mock._ By the universe, now I have it!--the wit lies in the
jingling. All wit consists most in jingling; hear how the glasses
rhyme to one another.

Again:--

_Mock._ Could I but dance well, push well,[63] play upon the flute,
and swear the most modish oaths, I would set up for quality with
e'er a young nobleman of 'em all. Pray what are the most
fashionable oaths in town? Zoons, I take it, is a very becoming
one.

_Rigadoon._ (_a dancing-master._) Zoons is only used by the
disbanded officers and bullies, but zauns is the beaux
pronunciation.

_Mock._ Zauns!

_Rig._ Yes, Sir; we swear as we dance; smooth and with a
cadence--Zauns! 'Tis harmonious, and pleases the ladies, because it
is soft. Zauns, Madam, is the only compliment our great beaux pass
on a lady.

_Mock._ But suppose a lady speaks to me; what must I say?

_Rig._ Nothing, Sir; you must take snuff grin, and make her a
humble cringe--thus: (_Bows foppishly and takes snuff; Mockmode
imitates him awkwardly, and taking snuff, sneezes._) O Lord, Sir!
you must never sneeze; 'tis as unbecoming after orangery as grace
after meat.

_Mock._ I t