Only the ostensible cause is known; there was another, of which I might
have been in full possession, if the great confusion I was in upon the
subject had not deprived me of the power of paying attention to it. I
will endeavour to make myself understood. In the early part of September
the Queen, as she was going to bed, desired me to let all her people go,
and to remain with her myself; when we were alone she said to me, "The
King will come here at midnight. You know that he has always shown you
marks of distinction; he now proves his confidence in you by selecting you
to write down the whole affair of Nancy from his dictation. He must have
several copies of it." At midnight the King came to the Queen's
apartments, and said to me, smiling, "You did not expect to become my
secretary, and that, too, during the night." I followed the King into the
council chamber. I found there sheets of paper, an inkstand, and pens all
ready prepared. He sat down by my side and dictated to me the report of
the Marquis de Bouille, which he himself copied at the same time. My hand
trembled; I wrote with difficulty; my reflections scarcely left me
sufficient power of attention to listen to the King. The large table, the
velvet cloth, seats which ought to have been filled by none but the King's
chief councillors; what that chamber had been, and what it was at that
moment, when the King was employing a woman in an office which had so
little affinity with her ordinary functions; the misfortunes which had
brought him to the necessity of doing so,--all these ideas made such an
impression upon me that when I had returned to the Queen's apartments I
could not sleep for the remainder of the night, nor could I remember what
I had written.

The more I saw that I had the happiness to be of some use to my employers,
the more scrupulously careful was I to live entirely with my family; and I
never indulged in any conversation which could betray the intimacy to
which I was admitted; but nothing at Court remains long concealed, and I
soon saw I had many enemies. The means of injuring others in the minds of
sovereigns are but too easily obtained, and they had become still more so,
since the mere suspicion of communication with partisans of the Revolution
was sufficient to forfeit the esteem and confidence of the King and Queen;
happily, my conduct protected me, with them, against calumny. I had left
St. Cloud two days, when I received at Paris a