Christian power has turned the bulk of
its attention to finding out newer and still newer and more and more
effective ways of killing Christians, and, incidentally, a pagan now and
then; and the surest way to get rich quickly in Christ's earthly kingdom
is to invent a kind of gun that can kill more Christians at one shot than
any other existing kind. All the Christian nations are at it. The more
advanced they are, the bigger and more destructive engines of war they
create."

Once, speaking of battles great and small, and how important even a small
battle must seem to a soldier who had fought in no other, he said:

"To him it is a mighty achievement, an achievement with a big A, when to
a wax-worn veteran it would be a mere incident. For instance, to the
soldier of one battle, San Juan Hill was an Achievement with an A as big
as the Pyramids of Cheops; whereas, if Napoleon had fought it, he would
have set it down on his cuff at the time to keep from forgetting it had
happened. But that is all natural and human enough. We are all like
that."

The curiosities and absurdities of religious superstitions never failed
to furnish him with themes more or less amusing. I remember one Sunday,
when he walked down to have luncheon at my house, he sat under the shade
and fell to talking of Herod's slaughter of the innocents, which he said
could not have happened.

"Tacitus makes no mention of it," he said, "and he would hardly have
overlooked a sweeping order like that, issued by a petty ruler like
Herod. Just consider a little king of a corner of the Roman Empire
ordering the slaughter of the first-born of a lot of Roman subjects. Why,
the Emperor would have reached out that long arm of his and dismissed
Herod. That tradition is probably about as authentic as those connected
with a number of old bridges in Europe which are said to have been built
by Satan. The inhabitants used to go to Satan to build bridges for them,
promising him the soul of the first one that crossed the bridge; then,
when Satan had the bridge done, they would send over a rooster or a
jackass--a cheap jackass; that was for Satan, and of course they could
fool him that way every time. Satan must have been pretty simple, even
according to the New Testament, or he wouldn't have led Christ up on a
high mountain and offered him the world if he would fall down and worship
him. That was a manifestly absurd proposition, because Christ, as the
Son of God, already owne