es he performs, I assure ye,
Some think him a god--all a _lusus naturae_:
The whole animal system, no matter how wrong,
Is set right in a moment by great Doctor Long.

Through all regions his vast reputation has flown,
Through the torrid, the frigid, and temperate zone;
The wretch, just expiring, springs healthy and strong
From his bed at one touch of the great Doctor Long.

His skill to experience, what potentates ran--
The Pope, the Grand Llama, the King of Japan!
The great Chinese autocrat, mighty Fon Whong,
Was cured of the 'doldrums' by famed Doctor Long!

In each serious case he considers as well as
Doctor Horace, '_naturam cum furca expellas_';
'Dame Nature' (_i.e._) 'you must poke with a prong.'
Pretty poking she gets from the great Doctor Long.

He cures folks _a merveille_, the French people cry;
The Greeks all pronounce him [Greek: theztagon tz]
Dutch and Germans adore him; the Irish among,
'To be sure he's the dandy!' Go bragh, Doctor Long!

King Chabert has proved, since restored from his panic,
There's small harm in quaffing pure hydrocyanic;
But he never found out it was good for the throng,
When scrubbed on their stomachs by great Doctor Long.

A machine he's invented, stupendous as new,
To sweep one's inside as you'd sweep out a flue;
No climbing boy, urged by the sound of the thong,
Can brush out your vitals like great Doctor Long.[100]

* * * * *

Garter King has assigned, like a sad 'fleering Jack,'
A duck for a crest, with the motto, '_Quack, Quack_'
To the proud name of St. John (it should be _St. Johng_,
Which would rhyme with the surname of great Doctor Long).

Great house-painting, sign-painting, face-painting sage!
Thou Raffaelle of physic!--thou pride of our age!
Alas! when thou diest, and the bell goes ding-dong,
Sure Hygeia herself will expire with her Long!

Then fill every glass, drink in grand coalition,
_Long life_, _long_ await this _long_-headed physician;
_Long_, _long_ may Fame sound, with her trumpet and song,
Through each nation the name of the great Doctor Long!"[101]

"Dr. Long's" remedy ("the prong" referred to in the foregoing ballad)
was of the simplest possible character, and--his dupes in nine cases out
of ten being women--his success complete. He invented a wonderful
liniment or lotion, by means of which he pro