self in some obscure cottage, though
reduced to labour for a subsistence, she would have thought it a state
far more eligible than becoming Mr Morgan's wife; but if she thus turned
fugitive and wanderer, in what light could she expect to be seen by the
world; especially as Lady Melvyn would infallibly, to remove any blame
from herself, be liberal in her aspersions? Where she should be unknown,
whatever disgrace might be affixed to her name, she herself might escape
censure; but yet she would not be less guilty of a violation of her duty
to society, since she must appear very culpable to those who knew her,
and contribute to the depravity of others, as far as was in her power,
by an example which, her motives being unknown, would appear a very bad
one.
This consideration determined her to sacrifice her peace to her
character; for by having told Mr Morgan the true state of her heart, she
had acquitted herself from any charge of attempting, by the gift of her
hand, to deceive him into a belief that he was the object of her
affections. She still had scruples about entering into the matrimonial
state, on motives so different from those which ought to influence every
one in a union of that kind: these were not to be removed, but she
imagined this might in some measure be excused as the least culpable
part she could act; and since man was herein neither her judge nor
accuser, she hoped the integrity of her mind would be received as some
alleviation of a fault she was thus forced to commit, since she was
determined in the strictest manner to adhere to every duty of her
station.
Having formed this resolution, she went to consult her friend upon it,
who as a person less perplexed, though scarcely less concerned, as their
affections were so strongly united, that one could not suffer without
the other's feeling equal pain, might possibly be a calmer judge in so
delicate a point. Louisa subscribed to her friend's sentiments on the
occasion, only desired her to consider well, whether she should be able
to bear all the trials she might meet with in the married state when she
was entirely indifferent to her husband.
'My prospect,' said Miss Melvyn, 'I am sensible is extremely melancholy.
All inclination must now be laid aside, and duty must become my sole
guide and director. Happiness is beyond my view; I cannot even hope for
ease, since I must keep a constant restraint on my very thoughts.
Indifference will become criminal; and
|