ef. The reader says, "What
else can the prophecy mean?" just as my accuser asks, "What, then,
does Dr. Newman mean?" ... I reflected, and I saw a way out of my
perplexity.

Yes, I said to myself, his very question is about my _meaning_; "What
does Dr. Newman mean?" It pointed in the very same direction as that
into which my musings had turned me already. He asks what I _mean_;
not about my words, not about my arguments, not about my actions, as
his ultimate point, but about that living intelligence, by which I
write, and argue, and act. He asks about my mind and its beliefs and
its sentiments; and he shall be answered;--not for his own sake, but
for mine, for the sake of the religion which I profess, and of the
priesthood in which I am unworthily included, and of my friends and
of my foes, and of that general public which consists of neither one
nor the other, but of well-wishers, lovers of fair play, sceptical
cross-questioners, interested inquirers, curious lookers-on, and
simple strangers, unconcerned yet not careless about the issue.

My perplexity did not last half an hour. I recognised what I had to
do, though I shrank from both the task and the exposure which it
would entail. I must, I said, give the true key to my whole life; I
must show what I am that it may be seen what I am not, and that the
phantom may be extinguished which gibbers instead of me. I wish to be
known as a living man, and not as a scarecrow which is dressed up in
my clothes. False ideas may be refuted indeed by argument, but by
true ideas alone are they expelled. I will vanquish, not my accuser,
but my judges. I will indeed answer his charges and criticisms on me
one by one, lest any one should say that they are unanswerable, but
such a work shall not be the scope nor the substance of my reply. I
will draw out, as far as may be, the history of my mind; I will state
the point at which I began, in what external suggestion or accident
each opinion had its rise, how far and how they were developed from
within, how they grew, were modified, were combined, were in
collision with each other, and were changed; again how I conducted
myself towards them, and how, and how far, and for how long a time, I
thought I could hold them consistently with the ecclesiastical
engagements which I had made and with the position which I filled. I
must show--what is the very truth--that the doctrines which I held,
and have held for so many years, have been taught me (