To think I'd never look upon her again or hear her
voice, and her gay laugh, it seemed impossible--but, in the end, I
_believed_, and I felt as if I was groping about in black darkness!
What had I to live for? What was the good of going on?

"At times I thought of my rifle, but I put that idea aside because of
the regiment and the scandal in the newspapers--still, I was always
meditating some way _out_. I think now, if I'd opened my mind to one
of my pals, it would have been easier, and I'd not have felt it so
cruel hard; but somehow I'd never breathed the name of Polly to one of
them--I held her like a holy thing apart. I could not stand the talk
and the coarse chaff of the barrack-room, so I kept my trouble sealed
up, till at last it grew too big for me, and I made up my mind to do
away with myself, where no one would be a penny the wiser. I got a
couple of days' leave--by way of seeing a pal at Tonghoo--and I went up
the river and away into the Jungles, and wandered about looking for
some venomous reptile to put an end to me in a natural way! But, if
you'll believe me, sir, divil a bite could I get--not after searching
for half a day; and, av coorse, had I been looking without intention,
I'd have found dozens.

"What with walking miles in the blazing sun and nothing to eat, I
believe I fell down with a stroke, and some wood-cutters found me and
carried me into their village--a big place with a great thorn hedge and
gates to keep off the Dacoits. The head man they call a Thugyi took me
over, and his women nursed me; he was a rich fellow with four yoke of
oxen, and so no expense was spared; and there I lived for many a long
day, very strange and out of myself. I could not remember who I was,
nor where I came from; all the clothes I had to me name was a shirt and
a pair of drawers. By degrees, thanks to great charity and kindness, I
come round, I remembered everything only too well, and then I buried
Mick Ryan in the jungle and became a _pongye_. The peace and quiet ate
into me very bones, and I took on the yellow robe. The rest and the
holy life tamed me and did y soul good; and many an evening when I'd be
roaming in the forests, among the splendid tall trees and beautiful
flowers, with the birds and animals around me so tame and at their
ease, I'd have a feelin' that Polly was walkin' alongside of me, the
face on her shining with the light of heaven! But," drawing himself
erect, "excuse me, sir, for bother