hum; all, that is, excep Mary, who turned as
red as flams, and going up to Miss Betsy Buckmaster, give her two such
wax on her great red ears as made them tingle again.

Old Mrs. Shum screamed, and ran at her like a Bengal tiger. Her great
arms vent veeling about like a vinmill, as she cuffed and thumped
poor Mary for taking her pa's part. Mary Shum, who was always a-crying
before, didn't shed a tear now. "I will do it again," she said, "if
Betsy insults my father." New thumps, new shreex; and the old horridan
went on beatin the poor girl till she was quite exosted, and fell down
on the sophy, puffin like a poppus.

"For shame, Mary," began old Shum; "for shame, you naughty gal, you! for
hurting the feelings of your dear mamma, and beating your kind sister."

"Why, it was because she called you a--"

"If she did, you pert miss," said Shum, looking mighty dignitified, "I
could correct her, and not you."

"You correct me, indeed!" said Miss Betsy, turning up her nose, if
possible, higher than before; "I should like to see you erect me!
Imperence!" and they all began laffin again.

By this time Mrs. S. had recovered from the effex of her exsize, and she
began to pour in HER wolly. Fust she called Mary names, then Shum.

"Oh, why," screeched she, "why did I ever leave a genteel famly, where
I ad every ellygance and lucksry, to marry a creatur like this? He is
unfit to be called a man, he is unworthy to marry a gentlewoman; and as
for that hussy, I disown her. Thank heaven she an't a Slamcoe; she is
only fit to be a Shum!"

"That's true, mamma," said all the gals; for their mother had taught
them this pretty piece of manners, and they despised their father
heartily: indeed, I have always remarked that, in famlies where the wife
is internally talking about the merits of her branch, the husband is
invariably a spooney.

Well, when she was exosted again, down she fell on the sofy, at her old
trix--more screeching--more convulshuns: and she wouldn't stop, this
time, till Shum had got her half a pint of her old remedy, from the
"Blue Lion" over the way. She grew more easy as she finished the gin;
but Mary was sent out of the room, and told not to come back agin all
day.

"Miss Mary," says I,--for my heart yurned to the poor gal, as she came
sobbing and miserable down stairs: "Miss Mary," says I, "if I might make
so bold, here's master's room empty, and I know where the cold bif and
pickles is." "Oh, Charles!" said she