only short-lived: my natural
tendency in moments of this sort is to get through the struggle
alone--to think that one is burdening and racking others makes all
worse.

'You speak to me in soft consolating accents, but I hold far sterner
language to myself, dear Nell.

'An absence of five years--a dividing expanse of three oceans--the
wide difference between a man's active career and a woman's passive
existence--these things are almost equivalent to an eternal
separation. But there is another thing which forms a barrier more
difficult to pass than any of these. Would Mr. Taylor and I ever
suit? Could I ever feel for him enough love to accept him as a
husband? Friendship--gratitude--esteem I have, but each moment he
came near me, and that I could see his eyes fastened on me, my veins
ran ice. Now that he is away I feel far more gently towards him; it
is only close by that I grow rigid--stiffening with a strange mixture
of apprehension and anger, which nothing softens but his retreat and
a perfect subduing of his manner. I did not want to be proud, nor
intend to be proud, but I was forced to be so.

'Most true is it that we are over-ruled by one above us--that in his
hands our very will is as clay in the hands of the potter.

'Papa continues very far from well, though yesterday, and I hope this
morning, he is a little better. How is your mother? Give my love to
her and your sister. How are you? Have you suffered from tic since
you returned home? Did they think you improved in looks?

'Write again soon.--Yours faithfully,

'C. BRONTE.'

TO MISS ELLEN NUSSEY

'_April_ 23_rd_, 1851.

'MY DEAR ELLEN,--I have heard from Mr. Taylor to-day--a quiet little
note. He returned to London a week since on Saturday; he has since
kindly chosen and sent me a parcel of books. He leaves England May
20th. His note concludes with asking whether he has any chance of
seeing me in London before that time. I must tell him that I have
already fixed June for my visit, and therefore, in all human
probability, we shall see each other no more.

'There is still a want of plain mutual understanding in this
business, and there is sadness and pain in more w