kling to
myself, with great gratification, "I have done it--I have done it!"
There was a degree of pleasure in having put my foot on the head of the
tyrant who had so long led me captive at his will, but although I had
"scotched the snake," I had not killed him, for every inch of his frame
was full of venomous vitality, and I felt that all my caution was
necessary to prevent his stinging me afresh. I went home, retired to
bed, but in vain did I try to sleep. I pondered upon the step I had
taken, and passed a restless night. Knowing that I had voluntarily
renounced drink, I endeavored to support my sufferings, and resist the
incessant craving of my remorseless appetite as well as I could, but
the struggle to overcome it was insupportably painful. When I got up
in the morning my brain seemed as though it would burst with the
intensity of its agony; my throat appeared as if it were on fire; and
in my stomach I experienced a dreadful burning sensation, as if the
fire of the pit had been kindled there. My hands trembled so that to
raise water to my feverish lips was almost impossible. I craved,
literally gasped, for my accustomed stimulant, and felt that I should
die if I did not have it; but I persevered in my resolve, and withstood
the temptations which assailed me on every hand.

Still, during all this frightful time I experienced a feeling somewhat
akin to satisfaction at the position I had taken. I made at least one
step toward reformation. I began to think that it was barely possible
I might see better days, and once more hold up my head in society.
Such feelings as these would alternate with gloomy forebodings and
thick coming fancies of approaching ill. At one time hope, and at
another fear, would predominate, but the raging, dreadful, continued
thirst was always present, to torture and tempt me.

After breakfast I proceeded to the shop where I was employed, feeling
dreadfully ill. I determined, however, to put a bold face on the
matter, and, in spite of the cloud which seemed to hang over me,
attempt work. I was exceedingly weak, and fancied, as I almost reeled
about the shop, that every eye was fixed upon me suspiciously, although
I exerted myself to the utmost to conceal my agitation. I was
suffering; and those who have never thus suffered cannot comprehend it.
The shivering of the spine, then flushes of heat, causing every pore of
the body to sting, as if punctured with some sharp instrument; the
ho