--lived only to accomplish the one remaining purpose of my life. Now
it was accomplished; the sacred ashes brought so far, with such infinite
labour, through so many and such great perils, were safe and would mix
with mine at last. There was nothing more in life to make me love it or
keep me prisoner in its weary chains. This prospect of near death
faded in time; love of life returned, and the earth had recovered its
everlasting freshness and beauty; only that feeling about Rima's ashes
did not fade or change, and is as strong now as it was then. Say that it
is morbid--call it superstition if you like; but there it is, the most
powerful motive I have known, always in all things to be taken into
account--a philosophy of life to be made to fit it. Or take it as a
symbol, since that may come to be one with the thing symbolized. In
those darkest days in the forest I had her as a visitor--a Rima of the
mind, whose words when she spoke reflected my despair. Yet even then I
was not entirely without hope. Heaven itself, she said, could not undo
that which I had done; and she also said that if I forgave myself,
Heaven would say no word, nor would she. That is my philosophy still:
prayers, austerities, good works--they avail nothing, and there is no
intercession, and outside of the soul there is no forgiveness in heaven
or earth for sin. Nevertheless there is a way, which every soul can find
out for itself--even the most rebellious, the most darkened with crime
and tormented by remorse. In that way I have walked; and, self-forgiven
and self-absolved, I know that if she were to return once more and
appear to me--even here where her ashes are--I know that her divine eyes
would no longer refuse to look into mine, since the sorrow which seemed
eternal and would have slain me to see would not now be in them.

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