against the first
onsets of passion. As this is in general a necessary care to make a
man's life easy and agreeable to himself, so it is more particularly the
duty of such as are engaged in friendship and more near commerce with
others. Those who have their joys, have also their griefs in proportion,
and none can extremely exalt or depress friends, but friends. The harsh
things which come from the rest of the world, are received and repulsed
with that spirit which every honest man bears for his own vindication;
but unkindness in words or actions among friends, affects us at the
first instant in the inmost recesses of our souls. Indifferent people,
if I may so say, can wound us only in heterogeneous parts, maim us in
our legs or arms; but the friend can make no pass but at the heart
itself. On the other side, the most impotent assistance, the mere
well-wishes of a friend, gives a man constancy and courage against the
most prevailing force of his enemies. It is here only a man enjoys and
suffers to the quick. For this reason, the most gentle behaviour is
absolutely necessary to maintain friendship in any degree above the
common level of acquaintance. But there is a relation of life much more
near than the most strict and sacred friendship, that is to say,
marriage. This union is of too close and delicate a nature to be easily
conceived by those who do not know that condition by experience. Here a
man should, if possible, soften his passions; if not for his own ease,
in compliance to a creature formed with a mind of a quite different make
from his own. I am sure, I do not mean it an injury to women, when I say
there is a sort of sex in souls. I am tender of offending them, and know
it is hard not to do it on this subject; but I must go on to say, that
the soul of a man and that of a woman are made very unlike, according to
the employments for which they are designed. The ladies will please to
observe, I say, our minds have different, not superior qualities to
theirs. The virtues have respectively a masculine and a feminine cast.
What we call in men wisdom, is in women prudence. It is a partiality to
call one greater than the other. A prudent woman is in the same class of
honour as a wise man, and the scandals in the way of both are equally
dangerous. But to make this state anything but a burden, and not hang a
weight upon our very beings, it is very proper each of the couple should
frequently remember, that there are many th