urs of you, and one of these
is that you do not wear red ties. You look so nice in quiet colours
that we dislike exceedingly to have you make crazy quilts of
yourselves, and that is just what you do when you begin experimenting
with colours which we naturally associate with the "cullud pussons."

And a cane may be very ornamental, but it's of no earthly use, and we
would rather you would not carry it when you go out with us.

Never tell us you haven't had time to come and see us, or write to us,
because we know perfectly well that if you wanted to badly enough, you
would take the time, so the excuse makes us even madder than does the
neglect. Still, when you don't want to come, we would not have you do
it for anything.

There is an old saying that "absence makes the heart grow fonder"--so
it does--of the other fellow. We don't propose to shed any tears over
you; we simply go to the theatre with the other man and have an
extremely good time. When you are very, very bright, you can manage
some way not to allow us to forget you for a minute, nor give us much
time to think of anything else.

When we are angry, for heaven's sake don't ask us why, because that
shows your lack of penetration. Just simply call yourself a brute, and
say you are utterly unworthy of even our faint regard, and you will
soon realise that this covers a lot of ground, and everything will be
all right in a few minutes.

And whatever you do, don't show any temper yourself. A woman requires
of a man that he shall be as immovable as the rock of Gibraltar, no
matter what she does to him. And you play your strongest card when you
don't mind our tantrums--even though it's a state secret we are
telling you.

Don't get huffy when you meet us with another man; in nine cases out
of ten, that's just what we do it for. And don't make the mistake of
retaliating by asking another girl somewhere. You'll have a perfectly
miserable time if you do, both then and afterward.

When you do come to see us, it is not at all nice to spend the entire
evening talking about some other girl. How would you like to have the
graces of some other man continually dinned into your ears? Sometimes
we take that way in order to get a rest from your overweening raptures
over the absent girl.

We have a well-defined suspicion that you talk us over with your chums
and compare notes. But, bless you, it can't possibly hold a candle to
the thorough and impartial discussions that some o