which so much surprised me that I
uttered a good round oath in English--it was Sir John's favourite
expression; whereupon my father took me in his arms and kissed me,
so far as I can recollect for the first time in my life."

"It is less to be wondered at that the bad habit has clung to you
even to this day."

"My nurse of course told me it was wrong, and tried to break me
of it; but in my childish way I was a match for her, replying,
'But papa does so--is it a sin, then?'

"'Oh, for gentlemen it is different.'

"'Very well, I will be a gentleman; I won't be a girl.'

"Indeed, my childhood was embittered by the idea that I was a girl
and could never become a man. I never went to children's parties; I
was always with grown-up people, officers, and lovers of the chase,
and at eight years of age I was no bad match for some of them on
horseback. When my nurse acknowledged she had lost all control over me,
a tutor was engaged--yes, a tutor: don't be surprised. Sir John had
never either announced the death of his son or the birth of a daughter
to his relations in England. For this reason I was isolated from my
own sex, and even learned to regard it with somewhat of an aversion,
owing to the conversation of Sir John and Dr. Darkins. I profited by
such training, though perhaps not exactly as they desired, for I hated
a lie, and my chief desire was to show myself such as I was, proud
and frank in all my dealings with men. I am convinced grandfather
had no hand in this plot, but he was too weak to speak out and set
his face against it. Sometimes, however, he gave me needlework to do,
and he had a strong aversion to Dr. Darkins. Disputes arose between
him and Sir John, and he shortly after moved to another garrison,
taking Rolf with him. When I was close upon my fourteenth year,
Dr. Darkins was suddenly cashiered, and it was announced to me that
I should be sent to an aristocratic ladies' boarding-school. There I
played all sorts of pranks, smoked like a grenadier, and had always
a supply of extra-fine cigarettes wherewith to tempt my schoolfellows.

"The cause of this great change in my life was brought about in this
way. Aunt Ellen, a sister of my father's, had come over to Scheveningen
with her husband for the bathing season, and thence she made a flying
visit to see her brother, taking everybody by surprise--nobody more
so than Sir John himself.

"'Francis must be a big boy now; what are you going to make of him?' I