d to walk through a
tunnel at the same time as an express train, but my nurse ran after me
and pulled me back. Once, before I had learnt to swim, I was caught by
the tide between Broadstairs and Ramsgate; but some sailors came and
took me off in a boat. Once again, I, who cannot claim to be physically
robust, was challenged to single combat by a truculent Belgian miner of
six foot three, with whom I had refused to drink pecquet; but a steam
tram happened to pass opportunely, and I escaped in it. Lastly, there
was my Alpine brigand. He, with all his faults, was picturesque.

* * * * *

[Sidenote: With one exception.]

I believe--and I shall be glad to be contradicted if I am mistaken--that
I am the only living man who has ever been "stuck up" by a brigand in
the middle of a glacier. I had no idea that the man was a brigand until,
by behaving as such, he gave himself away; otherwise, I have no doubt I
should have risen to the occasion and taken to my heels. As it was, he
gave me, as the gods gave Demodocus, "both good and evil." That is to
say, he deprived me of my money, leaving me in exchange a new sensation,
and something interesting to write about. If I were to generalise about
brigands, I should do so thus: Brigands, I should say, are of medium
height, slightly but firmly built; they wear mutton-chop whiskers, and
are dressed in brown; they carry their luggage--their shaving tackle, I
suppose, and their pyjamas--in red and white handkerchiefs slung behind
their backs; their appearance is ferocious, and they go about with guns.
They spend most of their time sitting on the lateral moraines,
pretending to be chamois-hunters. When they see solitary strangers, they
come down on to the glacier and accost them without introduction, their
usual form of salutation being, _Donnez-moi tout l'argent que vous
avez?_ The ideal way to treat a brigand is to arrest him, drag him to
the nearest police station, and give him into custody. A more practical
plan is to humour him by relieving his necessities, and afterwards to
recoup yourself by holding him up to contumely in the press. But you
must not expect him to be caught. The Department of Justice and Police
will show great energy in sending you his _dossier_ in several
languages, so that you may be able to give chapter and verse when you
denounce him in print. The Chief of the Department may even invite you
to drink an absinthe with him in the Sion C