" "Why," he
says, "they wor sharper nor aw liked on, or else aw shouldn't ha' come
back; but aw couldn't get on noa rooad: aw tried two or three
different trades, but aw made nowt aat, an' at last aw set up as
tubthumper; but that wodn't do. They niver wanted ought makkin'--
they wor too sharp for that; they allus brought yo summat to mend;--
becoss they knew a chap couldn't charge as mich for mendin' an owd tub
as for makkin' a new en; soa if they'd ony sooart ov a owd tub lagg,
or a piece of a barrel bottom, they browt it to get mended into a new
tub. Aw did as weel as aw could amang it; but one day a chap comes in
an' says, 'Aw want yo to do a bit o' repairin' for me.' 'Varry gooid,
sur,' says aw, 'an' what might yo be wantin?' 'Well,' he says, 'aw've
an owd bung hoil here, do yo think yo could fit me a fresh barrel to
it?' Aw niver spake for a minit, then aw says, 'wod yo be gooid enuff
to lend me a hand to put theas shuts up?' 'Wi' pleasure, sur,' he
said, an' he did, an' aw left th' job an' coom hooam, for aw thowt
they wor rayther too sharp." Mun, a chap can be too sharp sometimes.
My advice is, be as sharp as yo like, if yo're sharp in a reight way,
but thers some things it's as weel to be slow abaat. Be slow to do a
shabby trick, an' be sharp to help a poor body 'at needs it. Be slow
to see other fowk's faults, an' be sharp to improve yor own. Be slow
to scandalise yor neighbors, an' keep a sharp luk aat to steer clear
ov iverybody else's business; yo'll find it 'll give yo moor time to
luk after yor own.

Force of Example

Last May Mr. Goosequill, attorney-at-law, liberally forgave a poor
widow the expenses of a trial in which he had been engaged. It is a
singular fact that a tom-cat, which had been for years in the
gentleman's family, having caught a mouse, let it go for pity's sake
the following day.

Gunpaader Plot

Squibs an' crackers! Starleets an' catterin wheels! Bunfires an'
traikle parkin! This is th' time for a bit ov a jollification. Guy
Fawkes did a gooid turn, after all, when he tried to blow th'
Parliament haase up; for we should ha' had one spree less i' the' year
but for him. Ax twenty fowk this question o' th' fourth o' November,
"Are yo gooin to buy ony fireworks this year?" an aw dar be bun to say
yo willn't find one i'th' lot but what'll say "Aw've summat else to do
wi' my brass nor to waste it o' sich like fooilery as that." An'
still, aw'll wager at nineteen on 'em bu