ensable condition, the freedom from debt, was wanting
to my father's felicity; and the vanities of his youth were severely
punished by the solicitude and sorrow of his declining age. The first
mortgage, on my return from Lausanne, (1758,) had afforded him a partial
and transient relief. The annual demand of interest and allowance was
a heavy deduction from his income; the militia was a source of expence,
the farm in his hands was not a profitable adventure, he was loaded with
the costs and damages of an obsolete law-suit; and each year multiplied
the number, and exhausted the patience, of his creditors. Under these
painful circumstances, I consented to an additional mortgage, to
the sale of Putney, and to every sacrifice that could alleviate his
distress. But he was no longer capable of a rational effort, and his
reluctant delays postponed not the evils themselves, but the remedies of
those evils (remedia malorum potius quam mala differebat). The pangs of
shame, tenderness, and self-reproach, incessantly preyed on his vitals;
his constitution was broken; he lost his strength and his sight; the
rapid progress of a dropsy admonished him of his end, and he sunk into
the grave on Nov. 10, 1770, in the sixty-fourth year of his age. A
family tradition insinuates that Mr. William Law had drawn his pupil in
the light and inconstant character of Flatus, who is ever confident, and
ever disappointed in the chace of happiness. But these constitutional
failing were happily compensated by the virtues of the head and heart,
by the warmest sentiments of honour and humanity. His graceful person,
polite address, gentle manners, and unaffected cheerfulness, recommended
him to the favour of every company; and in the change of times and
opinions, his liberal spirit had long since delivered him from the zeal
and prejudice of a Tory education. I submitted to the order of Nature;
and my grief was soothed by the conscious satisfaction that I had
discharged all the duties of filial piety.

As soon as I had paid the last solemn duties to my father, and obtained,
from time and reason, a tolerable composure of mind, I began to form
the plan of an independent life, most adapted to my circumstances and
inclination. Yet so intricate was the net, my efforts were so awkward
and feeble, that nearly two years (Nov. 1770-Oct. 1772) were suffered
to elapse before I could disentangle myself from the management of
the farm, and transfer my residence from Berit