r shall make again.

It flooded the sporting papers,
I got the pedestrian palm.
They called me Champion of Champions;
The praise in my ears was balm.
But another "Ped."--confound him!--
"Cut" my record, in our next strife,
By exactly one-tenth of a second.
I should like to have his life!

I was Champion of Champions no longer,
Gone, gone was my pride, my peace.
Oh, the cheers for my hated supplanter!
I thought they would never cease.
I have struggled, but struggled vainly,
By practice and training fine,
To regain once more that "Record,"
Which for a brief month was mine.
It may be the man who licked me
Will be licked by yet better men,
But the "Record" I lost that morning
_I_ never shall win again.

* * * * *

AN "ORANGE FREE STATE" THAT SHOULD HAVE ITS LIBERTY CURTAILED.--Peel on
the pavement.

* * * * *

[Illustration]

THE HOUSE "UP" AT LAST.

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Commons, Tuesday, September 13._--The House is "up," or nearly
so, and if not altogether, more shame for it. _We_ are, as will be seen
from thumb-nail sketch annexed. I'm not only up, but have been off for a
clear week. Come back just to hear HARCOURT'S Speech. Liked to go
finally before, but ARNOLD MORLEY wouldn't let me. "Get a pair," said
he, when I again broached subject, "and go as soon as you like."

All very well to say, "Get a pair," but where do they grow? In moody
thought, and growing despair, met HARTINGTON'S dog. Here was chance!
"ROY" rather nondescript politician. Says he's a Liberal, but barks in
favour of Government, and, though admits they're not always right
(opposed them, for example, on CADOGAN'S Amendment to Land Bill, and
on Proclaiming of National League), yet steadily votes for them.
Is, in short, a Liberal-Unionist. We're asked not to pair with
Liberal-Unionists. But exceptions to every rule; will make one here.
"ROY" delighted. Says he's sick of politics, and would like a roll on
pasture-land.

Nearly everyone else off, pair or no pair. Irish Members, with exception
of PARNELL, have nowhere else to go, so make up their minds not only to
stop themselves, but to be the cause of stopping in others. PARNELL long
ago gone off shooting. The O'GORMAN MAHON shook his hand all the way
across Palace Yard, and assured him he might go without a sense