me for a three column, front page
story."

The arrival of the waiter with soothing beverages soon brought back the
customary smile to his genial face and the Proprietor's suggestion that
perhaps he had embroidered some of the stories just a trifle, aroused
only a good-natured protest.

"The worst thing about the press agent's profession is that he has to
risk his eternal salvation by making up plausible lies to satisfy the
newspapers when he could give 'em better stories which are actually true
if they would take 'em on his say so," he said, as he wiped the froth
from his mustache. "I remember once when a guy named Merritt and
myself were running a snake show in New York that we couldn't pay the
rent because the papers wouldn't give us any publicity, although we had
the finest collection of wrigglers that was ever gotten together. We
were running it on the dead level, nary a fake about it, and Merritt's
lecture was highly instructive and interesting and more than half true;
but we saw that we couldn't win out at the game unless we crooked it. We
were running so far behind that the only thing which saved us from a
dispossess was the fact that they couldn't get a constable who would
carry the snakes out to the sidewalk; but Merritt was a resourceful cuss
and I felt confident that he would figure out some scheme to win out.

[Illustration: _"Kicking over their heads and into their very mouths."_]

"'Jim,' says he, 'it's necessary for us to give 'em a sensation. We've
tried to run this game as a purely moral and instructive entertainment,
but we need the money and I reckon we've got to spring a cold deck on
'em. I guess you've got to stand for being attacked by an untamable,
man-eating python.'

"'You can count me out on that,' says I. 'Every paper in the city would
write me up as a victim of the demon Rum.' Merritt looked discouraged
for a minute, but his face suddenly lighted up and I knew he had found a
way.

"'Jim,' says he, 'if we only take half of our usual allowance of
fire-water to-night we will have enough cash to buy some paint. Now
there's that big white python; the only specimen ever captured, the
"pythonatus fluidum lactalis giganticus,"' says he. That was one trouble
with Merritt; he'd get so stuck on the language which he manufactured
that he couldn't leave it out, even in our business consultations, and
it used up a lot of time. 'That python is the straight goods,' says he,
'but he doesn't catch their