tter keep the jumper for yourself," I said crossly. "No doubt it
will suit you better than it would me."

She seemed gratified, but not unusually taken aback at my generosity.
"Well, since you ses it yourself, 'm, p'raps it is more my style. Your
complexion won't _stand_ as much as mine."

I was pondering on whether this was intended as a compliment or an insult
when she spoke again.

"I shan't 'arf cut a dash," she murmured as she drifted to the door; "an'
it might be the means o' bringin' it off this time."

"Bringing what off, Elizabeth?"

"Bringin' my new young man to the point, 'm. You see, 'e do love a bit o'
colour; _an' I knew 'e wouldn't 'ave liked the rose doo barry trick-o,
anyhow._"

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Proprietor_ (_to the rescue of his assistants, who have
failed to satisfy customer_). "ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF CAP YOU
DO WANT?"

_New "Blood."_ "WELL, YE SEE, IT'S LIKE THIS--I'VE BOUGHT A MOTOR-BIKE, AND
I THOUGHT AS 'OW I'D LIKE A CAP WI' A PEAK AT THE BACK."]

* * * * *

"Wanted, a General, plain cooking, gas fires, two boys 9 by 5.--South
Streatham."--_Local Paper._

Nothing is said of their third dimensions.

* * * * *

A REMARKABLE COINCIDENCE.

"To-day is the birthday of Lord Durham and his twin brother, the Hon.
F.W. Lambton, both of whom are sixty-five." _Provincial Paper_.

* * * * *

"Prince Arthur is well fitted for the high post to which he has been
called. He is the tallest member of the Royal Family."--_Daily Paper_.

But it is only fair to his Royal Highness to say that he has other
qualifications as well.

* * * * *

From the recent debate on "Doctors and Secrecy":--

"If you begin to open the door you take away the sheet anchor upon
which our professional work is based."--_Daily Paper_.

We trust that the speaker mixes his medicines more discreetly than his
metaphors.

* * * * *

ON WITH THE DANCE.

I have been to a dance; or rather I have been to a fashionable restaurant
where dancing is done. I was not invited to a dance--there are very good
reasons for that; I was invited to dinner. But many of my fellow-guests
have invested a lot of money in dancing. That is to say, they keep on
paying dancing-instructors to teach them new t