gar, 2 pecks of peas, 18 roast
chestnuts, a candle, and 6 bushels of turnips, within his reach: if he eats
these, constantly provide him with more.

Then procure some cream, some slices of Cheshire cheese, 4 quires of
foolscap paper, and a packet of black pins. Work the whole into a paste,
and spread it out to dry on a sheet of clean brown waterproof linen.

When the paste is perfectly dry, but not before, proceed to beat the pig
violently with the handle of a large broom. If he squeals, beat him again.

Visit the paste and beat the pig alternately for some days, and ascertain
if, at the end of that period, the whole is about to turn into Gosky
Patties.

If it does not then, it never will; and in that case the pig may be let
loose, and the whole process may be considered as finished.

* * * * *

NONSENSE BOTANY.

[Illustration: Baccopipia Gracilis.]

[Illustration: Bottlephorkia Spoonifolia.]

[Illustration: Cockatooca Superba.]

[Illustration: Fishia Marina.]

[Illustration: Guittara Pensilis.]

[Illustration: Manypeeplia Upsidownia.]

[Illustration: Phattfacia Stupenda.]

[Illustration: Piggiwiggia Pyramidalis.]

[Illustration: Plumbunnia Nutritiosa.]

[Illustration: Pollybirdia Singularis.]

* * * * *

NONSENSE ALPHABETS.

A

[Illustration]

A was an ant
Who seldom stood still,
And who made a nice house
In the side of a hill.

a!
Nice little ant!

B

[Illustration]

B was a book
With a binding of blue,
And pictures and stories
For me and for you.

b!
Nice little book!

C

[Illustration]

C was a cat
Who ran after a rat;
But his courage did fail
When she seized on his tail.

c!
Crafty old cat!

D

[Illustration]

D was a duck
With spots on his back,
Who lived in the water,
And always said "Quack!"

d!
Dear little duck!

E

[Illustration]

E was an elephant,
Stately and wise:
He had tusks and a trunk,
And two queer little eyes.

e!
Oh, what funny small eyes!

F

[Illustration]

F was a fish
Who was caught in a net;
But he got out again,
And is quite alive yet.