smileth as he read, "_Forbear to come hauling up examples of malarious
men_"--("'malarious men' is good," quoth the Baron)--"_in whom these
pourings of the golden rays of life breed fogs; and be moved, since
you are scarcely under an obligation to hunt the meaning_"--(here the
Baron wondered within himself. Was he under an obligation or not?
In _foro conscientiae_ the case was set down for that immortal date.
"_To-morrow_")--"_in tolerance of some dithyrambic inebriety of
narration_ (_quiverings of the reverent pen_) _when we find ourselves
entering the circle of a most magnetic popularity._" Here the Baron
paused. Somehow, in his search after truth, he had fallen down some
seventy pages, and was on his back again at p. 33, Vol. I. Refreshment
was necessary. Iced. Also a Nicotinian sacrifice, as of primitive
days, when heifers, adorned, not altars, but weeds, vegetables, and
early produce only. _Smokeamus! Veni, vidi, visky!_ 'Fore GEORGE! Your
health and novel!

THE BARON DE BOOK-WORMS.

* * * * *

"AS EASY AS ABC."

_Witness of the Labour Commission_ (_under examination_). Yes, I think
that employers should be forced by law to give in to their men.

_Question_. But should this lead to bankruptcy, what then?

_Witness_. Bankruptcy should be legally abolished.

_Question_. Should employers have no money to pay the employed?

_Witness_. That duty should be discharged by the Government.

_Question_. But bow should the loss be supplied--by the imposition of
new taxes?

_Witness_. Certainly not. Taxation should be entirely abolished.

_Question_. Then how could your scheme be carried out?

_Witness_ (_courteously_). That is a matter I leave entirely to the
discretion of the Government.

* * * * *

[Illustration: HORATIO LARKINS VISITS THE NAVAL EXHIBITION.]

* * * * *

NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS.,
Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no
case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed
Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.

* * * * *

[Illustration: INDEX]

ABC of Ibsenity (The), 239
About the Court, 147
Accident on the Ice, 35
Acting--on a Suggestion, 120
Adopted Child (The), 222
"Advance, Australia!" 126, 268
Agricultural Tripos (An), 221
Al