ing.

_Second Attendant_ (_much relieved_). Oh, you was it? D'you mind
stretchin' across--(_To gorgeous, eveningly-attired Lady, in row
between_). Beg pardon.

_Gorgeous Lady_ (_horribly disturbed_). She'll spill it--you'll spill
it--CHARLEY, why don't you--

_Charles_ (_her Friend_). Here! (_To Fascinating Attendant as politely
as possible_). Can't you go round with it--

_Few Ancient Playgoers_. Sssh! Sssh!

_Second Attendant_ (_to distant Customer_). I'll bring it. 'Scuse me.

[_Retraces her fascinating steps along front row.
Chaff--exclamations--near and distant poppings of corks,
striking of matches, and other accompaniments to JULIET's
speech._

And so forth, _ad libitum_. The same thing going on all over the house
during the remainder of the Shakspearean play.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "L'INVITATION A LA VALSE."

_She_. "BUT YOU DON'T KNOW MY NAME! WHAT HAVE YOU PUT DOWN ON YOUR
CUFF!"

_He_. "OH, I'VE PUT DOWN 'PEARL NECKLACE.'"

_She_. "BUT THERE ARE LOTS OF PEARL NECKLACES HERE!"

_He_. "YES; BUT I'VE ALSO PUT DOWN 'SMALL AND RATHER TIGHT'--I MEAN
THE _NECKLACE_, YOU KNOW!"]

* * * * *

THE GREAT WHALING EXPEDITION.

LATEST VERSION.

_BY_ BILLY (H. SM-TH), _THE (ST. STEPHEN'S) BO'SEN_.

'Twas in Ninety One, d'ye see,
Brave boys!
With SOLLY I did sa-a-a-ail,
When one Monday night
We went out--_not_ to fight,
But we went for to catch a Whale.
Brave boys!
We went for to catch a Whale!

There was dirty weather about,
Brave boys!
_Trade_-winds was blowin' a ga-a-a-le,
When the Skipper sings out,
As we chopped about,
"My eyes! there goes _such_ a Whale!
Brave boys!
Dear eyes I there goes _such_ a Whale!"

It were the whoppingest Whale,
Brave boys!
As ever whisked a ta-a-a-il;
In the trough o' the sea
It was Labouring free.
And a lashin' the waves like a flail,
Brave boys!
A lashin' the waves like a flail.

We had heard o' that Whale afore,
Brave boys!
Says SOLLY, "I'll go ba-a-a-ail,
The Rads would roar
If that monster they sor-r!
But _we_ want to catch that Whale,
Brave boys!
_We_ want to catch that Whale!

"Young GRANDOLPH[1] has kep' a look-out