ce that she had made the trip, she gave us all to understand
that she believed the whole incident to have been specially arranged
for her humiliation. She gave notice on the spot, and staggered
indignantly to the house to pack her box, leaving her employer once
again face to face with the Servant Problem.

* * * * *

THE ARTISETTE.

(_An Engineering School for Women
has been started in Scotland._)

What if my lady should appear
In a mechanic's grimy gear?
I shall not squeamishly decline
To figure at her shrine.

If Vulcan's smoky sway precludes
An assignation in the woods,
I shall not linger less elate
Outside the foundry gate.

When she knocks off at eventide
I'll flutter fondly to her side,
And demonstrate that grease and oil
Can't loosen love's sweet coil.

Most tenderly my tongue shall wag
To Amaryllis on the slag,
Whilst I endeavour to confine
Her horny hand in mine.

* * * * *

PERSONAL.

"Pat. Don't be disappointed. Nothing amis. Iris."--_Calcutta
Statesman_.

Only a letter gone astray.

* * * * *

"Apartments (furnished and unfurnished) to be let, outside
air radius."--_Daily Telegraph_.

A little suffocating, perhaps.

* * * * *

"If a million quarter acres in the country were left uncultivated,
the result would be that a quarter of a million acres would be
left uncultivated."--_Scotch Paper_.

Examined and found correct.

* * * * *

Extract from a speech by Lord SELBORNE:--

"In that ouse Capital was very fully represented--he thought
over-represented."--_Daily Telegraph_.

The printer seems to have thought so too, when he cut the capital out.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE HIGHWAYMAN.

"TAXI! TAXI!"

"WHAT ABAHT IT?"

"I WANT TO GO TO HAMPSTEAD."

"DO YER?"

"I'LL DOUBLE YOUR LEGAL FARE."

"DOUBLE THAT AGIN AN' I'LL TAKE YER--'ALF-WAY."

"AN', MIND YER, I WOULDN'T 'AVE BROUGHT YER AS FAR AS THIS ONLY I
'APPENED TO 'AVE BIN COMIN' ANY'OW. I LIVE UP 'ERE."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Officer_ (_returning to France in heavy sea_).
"I--HOPE--TO--HEAVENS--THE NEXT--WAR THEY HAVE--WILL--BE--IN
ENGLAND."]

* * * * *

NIGHTMARES.

I