the magnitude of this
chimney is only to be got at by a sort of process in the higher
mathematics by a method somewhat akin to those whereby the surprising
distances of fixed stars are computed.

It need hardly be said, that the walls of my house are entirely free
from fireplaces. These all congregate in the middle--in the one grand
central chimney, upon all four sides of which are hearths--two tiers of
hearths--so that when, in the various chambers, my family and guests are
warming themselves of a cold winter's night, just before retiring, then,
though at the time they may not be thinking so, all their faces mutually
look towards each other, yea, all their feet point to one centre; and,
when they go to sleep in their beds, they all sleep round one warm
chimney, like so many Iroquois Indians, in the woods, round their one
heap of embers. And just as the Indians' fire serves, not only to
keep them comfortable, but also to keep off wolves, and other savage
monsters, so my chimney, by its obvious smoke at top, keeps off prowling
burglars from the towns--for what burglar or murderer would dare
break into an abode from whose chimney issues such a continual
smoke--betokening that if the inmates are not stirring, at least fires
are, and in case of an alarm, candles may readily be lighted, to say
nothing of muskets.

But stately as is the chimney--yea, grand high altar as it is, right
worthy for the celebration of high mass before the Pope of Rome, and
all his cardinals--yet what is there perfect in this world? Caius Julius
Caesar, had he not been so inordinately great, they say that Brutus,
Cassius, Antony, and the rest, had been greater. My chimney, were it not
so mighty in its magnitude, my chambers had been larger. How often has
my wife ruefully told me, that my chimney, like the English aristocracy,
casts a contracting shade all round it. She avers that endless domestic
inconveniences arise--more particularly from the chimney's stubborn
central locality. The grand objection with her is, that it stands midway
in the place where a fine entrance-hall ought to be. In truth, there
is no hall whatever to the house--nothing but a sort of square
landing-place, as you enter from the wide front door. A roomy enough
landing-place, I admit, but not attaining to the dignity of a hall. Now,
as the front door is precisely in the middle of the front of the
house, inwards it faces the chimney. In fact, the opposite wall of the
landing-p