eton's absence,
soliloquized on his influenza, and gave me a certificate as a 'trusted
leader of Australian thought'. There were two policemen at the door,
and I hoped they took note of that testimonial. Then Sir Harry started.

I never heard anything like it. He didn't begin to know how to talk.
He had about a bushel of notes from which he read, and when he let go
of them he fell into one prolonged stutter. Every now and then he
remembered a phrase he had learned by heart, straightened his back, and
gave it off like Henry Irving, and the next moment he was bent double
and crooning over his papers. It was the most appalling rot, too. He
talked about the 'German menace', and said it was all a Tory invention
to cheat the poor of their rights and keep back the great flood of
social reform, but that 'organized labour' realized this and laughed
the Tories to scorn. He was all for reducing our Navy as a proof of
our good faith, and then sending Germany an ultimatum telling her to do
the same or we would knock her into a cocked hat. He said that, but
for the Tories, Germany and Britain would be fellow-workers in peace
and reform. I thought of the little black book in my pocket! A giddy
lot Scudder's friends cared for peace and reform.

Yet in a queer way I liked the speech. You could see the niceness of
the chap shining out behind the muck with which he had been spoon-fed.
Also it took a load off my mind. I mightn't be much of an orator, but
I was a thousand per cent better than Sir Harry.

I didn't get on so badly when it came to my turn. I simply told them
all I could remember about Australia, praying there should be no
Australian there--all about its labour party and emigration and
universal service. I doubt if I remembered to mention Free Trade, but
I said there were no Tories in Australia, only Labour and Liberals.
That fetched a cheer, and I woke them up a bit when I started in to
tell them the kind of glorious business I thought could be made out of
the Empire if we really put our backs into it.

Altogether I fancy I was rather a success. The minister didn't like
me, though, and when he proposed a vote of thanks, spoke of Sir Harry's
speech as 'statesmanlike' and mine as having 'the eloquence of an
emigration agent'.

When we were in the car again my host was in wild spirits at having got
his job over. 'A ripping speech, Twisdon,' he said. 'Now, you're
coming home with me. I'm all alone, and if yo