ved me--lain down by
my side, held me in its arms! And so I came with Isonna--faithful Isonna
is here--and learned that you are not dead, and all the glory. O
beloved! My soul swells with joy of you. You, mine, once mine, so
glorious in the eyes of our country! For, oh, Ani-San, it is _my_
country, too! They shall not take that from me, though it makes me an
outcast. And my feet touch it now. My country! Nippon! Nippon! After all
the evil years of exile. My emperor! My gods! Forgive me, beloved, but
it must all come out of my heart, or it will burst. I know you are
there. I know you listen! I see--touch--adore--your shadow. I have seen
_you_! I have hid in the trees--Isonna and me--for three days, until we
are very hungry and have begged rice. Three times--on each day--we have
seen you. Three nights we have watched your dear shadow. Once it prayed
and then rushed upon the outside and spoke loudly to the heavens--words
which we could not hear. Were they of me? Were they hate or love?
To-night I touch your shadow--put my lips upon it on the paper.
For--yes--I know that is all I am ever to have: the shadow of you. You
do not wish me! That is what my mother said; and laughed. She struck me
and said her words concerning you had all come true. Ah, pardon, lord.
What matter that? It is three days! Three days! We could not die until
the moon was dark; for some one, passing, might see and find our bodies.
But I am glad for those three days. Now the moon is gone--the moon which
sees our deeds and tells them to the gods of night; and, lord, only
to-night, when the moon was gone, could I come to you to say
farewell--Ani-San, to-night we die--Isonna and I. Unless you still wish
me? No! Pardon that. But--if you should! Ah! if you should! Speak one
word though it be Go! Only one word, that I may die in the blessed sound
of your voice! Oh, it has been so lonely! For you first taught me how to
be happy--to laugh, to love. And then you went, and took it all
away--all, all away. Beloved, you do not wish us--No? so, to-night we
die. We shall not harm you, even in our death. As long as this little
paper wall is between us you are not contaminated even while we live. No
one will know us in this far land; and we shall die where no one will
ever find us; only the gods, only the pitying gods. So we do not harm
you in coming here. We would not have come had we known you lived.
Ani-San, it is finished--all quite finished; you wish me no more. I hea