om the dramatic Eden I loved, in which I hoped
to learn so many things theatrical and to become very wise, and I should
wander all my life in the stony places of poverty and disappointment! I
clenched my hands and writhed in misery at the thought. I seemed again to
hear that applause, which had been for me--my very self! and I thrilled
at its wild sweetness. Ah, the public! it could make or it could mar my
whole life. Mighty monster, without mercy! The great many-headed
creature, all jewelled over with fierce, bright eyes, with countless ears
a-strain for error of any kind! That beat the perfumed air with its
myriad hands when pleased--when pleased! A strange, great stillness
seemed to close about me; something murmured: "In the future, in the
_dim_ future, a woman may cause this many-headed monster you fear to
think as one mind, to feel as one heart! _Then_ the bit and bridle will
be changed--that woman will hold the reins and will drive the public!" At
which I broke into shrill laughter, in spite of flowing tears. Two women
came in, one said: "Why, what on earth's the matter? Have they blown you
up for your didoes to-night? What need you care, you pleased the
audience?" But another said, quietly: "Just get a glass of water for her,
she has a touch of hysteria--I wonder who caused it?"

But I only thought of that woman of the dim future, who was to conquer
the public--who was she?

Why that round of applause should have so shattered my happy confidence I
cannot understand, but the fact remains that from that night I never
faced a new audience, or attempted a new part, without suffering a
nervous terror that sometimes but narrowly escaped collapse.

CHAPTER ELEVENTH

My Promiscuous Reading wins me a Glass of Soda--The Stage takes up my
Education and Leads me through Many Pleasant Places.

I suppose it sounds absurd to say that during those first seasons, with
choruses, dances, and small parts to learn, with rehearsals every day and
appearances every night, I was getting an education.

But that depends upon your definition of the word. If it means to you
schooling, special instruction, and formal training, then my claim is
absurd; but if it means information, cultivation of the intellectual
powers, enlightenment, why then my claim holds good, my statement stands,
I was getting an education. And let me say the stage is a delightful
teacher; she never wearies you with sameness or drives you to frenzy with
i