nt,
or had I, it might have been otherwise, but with the conditions as they
existed, it was inevitable, and, after the initial step was once taken,
it was better so. He was less unhappy when we saw him that morning after
than he was when we left him the night before, and I shall be at peace
when you see me again, as I have not been in many days.

"No! I have never harbored remorse over White's death, and I indulge in
no regrets now for my own. We have worked out, each of us, our own
destiny, that is all; but with Winters, it was different. Poor fellow!
he had a hard time, and though he was a worthless drunkard, he had no
responsibility for the act which, in its consequences, shortened his
life. He suffered innocently, and I might have spared him, and I did
not. I was a coward in that and I despise a coward, but let that be. I
might tell you that I had intended, should it have come to that, to have
saved him from the gallows, but it is a weakness and an imposition to
ask credit for what one claims one might have done, and it is a plea as
available to a liar as to a truthful man.

"Whatever I might have done, I was saved the occasion by Winters's
death. With that my obligation ended. To have given my life for a
reputation that was well buried with the man, would have been quixotic.
It could have done him no good, and the world would not have cared.

"I hardly know why I have written you all of this. Perhaps it may be
because there comes to each of us, even the strongest, a wish at the end
to extenuate, to explain. No man can entirely separate himself in his
moral life from his fellows. No matter how vigorous his individuality,
he can never escape the consciousness of their standard and their
judgment, and he must be swayed by it more or less, even though he
denies it for awhile to himself.

"Such has been my case. Unknown to them, I have battled with my
fellow-men; the struggle has been all with me and yet they have won, and
at this last hour I cannot give up my place among them, even though it
be for oblivion, without a wish to live unsullied in their memories. I
have repudiated their laws and have established a law for myself, but in
the end mine has failed me and theirs controls. It is not that my law is
illogical or unethical, it is only that they will not accept it, and I
cannot escape from theirs.

"Am I inconsequent, I wonder, or incoherent? If so, it may be because
the presence of death makes man's mind wande